Hello. I am home. Roomie and I had two glasses of wine apiece, a few cigarettes, some chocolate, and pretzel snacks. And vented. Better now.

It was a miscarriage. She just found out she was pregnant Saturday, and confirmed it yesterday at the doctor. It was not planned. Coincidentally, we were just having a talk on Friday where this same girl said she didn't believe in birth control because she believes that the government controls people through medicine. My response, "Do I strike you as someone controlled by the government? Because I'm on birth control." Anyway. She can't lift more than 10 lbs for about a week, and I have no idea what we can find for her that would follow that. A nail gun weighs about 10 lbs.

Two of the other FMs are on their last chance.

And the other one is Angry Girl, who's been doing pretty great. The non-FM who works with us got a talking to about sexually harassing her today, and apparently it went okay, because they worked together the rest of the day fine.

I wonder if I'll get to the point where this stuff doesn't faze me? I mean, that's one day. I'm actually only semi-fazed right now. I just can't get my paperwork done. Once again, teachers, I salute you a million times over.

Thanks, smonster. It's like herding 125 unspayed and neutered adolescent cats and teaching them how to knit at the same time.

The state of EMERGENCY, Erin! Sassypants!

Hrm. I got a bunch of grading done, but I still have quite a bit to finish. But we have tomorrow off, too -- tell me it's ok to read a magazine and then take a book to bed.

warmth&safety~ma to all facing snowpocalypse.

I hope I get through this week without killing my ex-condo neighbor, my tenants, or myself. I think the tenant is moving out. I'm so exhaustedly hopeful about it that I'm in a constant state of anxiety.

Frank, if you wanna buy it the listing price is $309.9K. Will be getting everything cleaned up and fixed after the premises are clear. Which I pray is soon. God.

I wonder if I'll get to the point where this stuff doesn't faze me?

No. Well, probably not. You'll get to the point where you can work through it, and you can absorb it without it absorbing you, but I have yet to get to the point where it's normal to me, and I've been at it for a decade.

But that's good, because it's not normal, even though it is to them, so you've got to be able to stand in it and say, no, this is not how it has to be. It can be better than this. Your life can be better.

But yeah, I feel you on the sheesh. And in all that I'm glad Angry Girl is doing better.

Thanks, Liese. That's what I'm hoping for. I don't want to be numb or cynical, but once again, I need to find my zen. I'm constantly buffeted by every snafu, partly because every single one forces me to make decisions that I don't like to make and partly because I struggle to balance dealing with all of that and you know, renovating the fucking houses.

And in all that I'm glad Angry Girl is doing better.

In the middle of the crazy today, she walked up to me and said, "I have to leave early." My eyes bugged right out and then she said, "Psych." I laughed, after recovering from my mini-heart attack. Also - the kids are saying psych again? Huh.

Erin! Did you see that they closed down Hwy 70 through most of Missouri?

A friend of mine who lives in KC posted that on my FB wall (I have no idea why; I hadn't been posting about the weather at all).

I replied asking him if they closed the highway because of rampaging polar bears. I really, really hope it was.

LOOK, JUST LIE TO ME.

smonster, I know it's not precisely teaching, but remember that the first year of teaching is the WORST, precisely because you don't have systems and responses in place for responding to things.

Every first-year teacher I know spent the first year feeling like a big-ass faker because they were pretty much making stuff up as they went along, because you don't really KNOW how to respond to some of these things until you are in it.

So remember that, when you are trying to regain your zen -- you are learning as much as you are teaching, and that's supposed to happen. You don't -- you CAN'T -- walk into this being ready.

Erin is completely right in this.

you know, renovating the fucking houses.

I know! Sometimes I'm all, wait, what do I do again? I think it had something to do with music? And anymore, half my work has no relationship to music at all. I have kids constantly texting me and messaging me on facebook, and they aren't interested in the 12 bar minor blues song I'm writing at all. It's so shocking. They just want to, you know, talk.

Which I sometimes have to remind myself is what I wanted!

I really hope we've got a snow day tomorrow. It doesn't look like the roads are going to be safe.