Yeah, she'd just change the game again.

My heart says BE WITH YOUR SON NO MATTER WHAHHHHHATTTTTT and it's right, but follwing her pillar to post isn't the way to do it.

I'm not sure, btw, what IS the way to do it or even if there is a GOOD way, but if y'all pick up stakes and move to Allentown she'll just start shutting D out of shit up-close. And then move again.

Man, Erin, I'm so sorry.

Yeppers, I agree.

I told D that instead of focusing on the perfect solution he wishes for, that we need to focus on finding workable solutions that are a happy medium.

No parent every gets everything they want in regards to their child's upbringing.

You can just do the best you can to do the most you can without making yourself a craxy, miserable person.

I wish "Gee, bitch, if you think he should be spending more time with his son how 'bout you hold up your end of the deal on the things that make that happen?" would actually work, you know?

I know it won't.

Even if Vortex does it.

I told him tonight that I think the support needs to be looked at again. He pays almost $900 a month (some of that is past support, from when he was stuck with the house she left that she hadn't been paying on ---- GRRRIIINNNNDDDD -- and i think since she moved, some of that money should be earmarked for travel expenses.

David, I might email you tomorrow and try to figure out a way to hook you guys up without being all "Hey, this is David. Tell him all your trauma."

That's fine. I'm happy to talk with him.

I told D that instead of focusing on the perfect solution he wishes for, that we need to focus on finding workable solutions that are a happy medium.

Excellent, useful advice. A worthy mantra.

This is evil, but I kinda can't wait for the day M realizes exactly what mom did to dad, and how it was her decisions that lead to him being hauled farther and farther away from D in the first place. I mean, he was about 5 when her now-husband started staying over while D was at work. He already knows the timeline.

Micah will never do that kind of calculus, I hope. The kids that do are the ones that get used to act out anger on the other parent.

Of course, we're here to help you rant as necessary. This is a good outlet for you, dealing with many shitty stressors. I certainly have known all those impulses myself. But the only thing that's helpful for the kid is to maintain the useful fictions of civility. There's no safe emotional space for a kid who has to choose between their parents, to make that judgment.

It doesn't matter to Micah that his mom was a bitch to D, or has been selfish or manipulative.

And the hard lesson I learned from Mothers Who Think is that there is no such thing as unfairness or blame in custody matters; there's only what you fought for in the custody arrangement. And if you didn't protect yourself at that stage then it's tough noogies. Make it work.

{{{Erin}}}

in mememe news: we won! First pub quiz ever. My new teammates are insisting I must come back every week.

Erin, your situation sounds really difficult. I hope you and your hubby can resolve it in a way that works for you both.

Zenkitty, much ~ma for your sister.

Erin, I know it's an awful and stressful situation for you. I'm glad you can vent here. It's impotant to have a place for that.

And, yeah, for M, it's just being there and making the best of a bad situation his mother really forced upon everyone. Being supportive of him and as civil and even nice as possible to her. Divorce sucks and it's tough but you are awesome for being a good and caring stepmom.

I've said it before in here but I am so grateful for how my parents PARENTED after their divorce and how my stepmom never made me feel like I had to choose or asign blame. I very much lucked out getting three parents who love me and now can be very much friendly. And who were always more than civil even when it probably sucked a lot for them.

Seeing Bev and her DH today was so lovely.

~ma for your sister, Zen.