Smonster, quick healing~ma to your sister.

Connie, so very sorry for your loss.

Nora, so sorry for your friend's family.

Aims, since I wasn't here to say it before, congratulations on school and the job!

I've skipped a zillion posts but we are almost home and in the meantime we are super lucky and are at Javachick's.

Eta boardname shift

and in the meantime we are super lucky and are at Nanita's.

That's funny, we'll be at Nanita's this afternoon. What a coincidence.

I'm quite thrilled to be seing 2010 get the fuck out. Some of you saw this on Facebook, but yesterday sucked balls. My dad had rotator cuff surgery, and I was, as usual, his caretaker, because he will never, EVER call anyone else.

I'll spare you the self-loathing tape loop running through my head about what an asshole of a daughter I am to be so utterly resentful about always being the caretaker. ASSHOLE.

And I came home to find that the dalmatian, who we have to keep in the kitchen when we're gone, had made her way through a door she shouldn't have been able to get through and fallen down the basement steps. When I walked into an empty kitchen, I almost passed out, for real. I mean that I got lightheaded and had to grab the doorframe for a minute to steady myself. I was sure I was about to find a dead dog in the basement.

Then I heard a bark, and tore ass down the stairs. She was wedged between the washer and the wall, and couldn't get out because she doesn't know how to go backwards any more. I have no idea how long she was down there, but she didn't *seem* hurt.

Problem is, she can't go up steps any more, and I couldn't lift her and carry her up. Fortunately, it was almost 5:00 and Tim works only a mile and a half away. So I called him and he came home to carry her up.

She seems okay -- it's possible she didn't *fall* down the steps, but since she can't even walk down the 3 steps to the back yard, I don't think she walked down the 10+ steps to the basement.

I am SO OVER this goddamn shittastic year from hell.

Oh Steph, what a nightmare of a day!

I hope you find a way to turn off that tape loop in your head. Feeling resentful doesn't make you an asshole. We all have those moments.

Oh Steph, how awful for you and the family.

Burrell is wise, feeling resentful does not make you an asshole...that, or every single sentient human is one...wait, that might be true anyway...but honestly, you are a good, good person with tons of caring. That tape loop is a habit, KICK IT!

I hope all goes well with your da and that Chloe eases back into normalcy soon.

Poor all of you.

Damn, Steph. That sucks for real. And yeah, just b/c the tape loop won't shut off doesn't mean it's right. You may not be able to shut it off, but you don't have to buy into it. It's just an old tape.

As my therapist used to say to me over and over, "You can't control how you feel, you can only control how you act. Judging feelings is a waste of energy." It was INCREDIBLY helpful to me to give myself permission to have my own feelings. I still struggle with it, but not as much.

Teppy, you are not a bad daughter for having feelings that aren't pleasant about the way your father depends on you and does not ask others for help. What Scrappy's therapist said is right. Be gentle with yourself. You have had a really hard time this year. None of that is your fault. And you are a good daughter.

Ugh, Tep, I hope 2011 is better for you.

I would feel plenty damn resentful of being someone's only caretaker too, no matter how much I loved them. I would do it, but I would still be a grouch about it, because that's a lot of work.

I am not a saint, nor do I aspire to me. Don't kill yourself about being human and grouchy. You can love someone and still want to stab them as you help them. If you were all LALALALA I AM SO SELFLESS AND PERFECT, I SO ENJOY BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO SUPPORTS MY DAD IT IS AWESOME, we wouldn't like you as much.

Frankly, I would worry about your sanity, and possibly want to slap you a little. (And not in a the fun way.)