I should have mentioned that the off limits boy skipped a grade in elementary school, and is thus a 17 yo senior, so statutory won't apply until after he graduates. and it sounds like he's super eager to get OUT of rural VA as fast as he can on graduation, so i don't see this going beyond this year. If he were 18, there would already be multiple statutory rape charges against him. parents in the community really don't like this guy. being over 30 i really don't like him either, but i've tried (when talking to Ellie during my visit last week) to ask more about what her friends said about him and trying to nudge her into maintaining her friendships and not getting isolated in Josh-world. There is a lot of starry eyed romance, which is too bad, since just last year i heard her respond "you know how that ends, don't you?!?!" to a friend trying to pull the Romeo & Juliet scenario. She's really smart, but this is her first in person crush and he's a SENIOR and he's really tall (like parting the red-seas in the school hallways tall) and he's the LEAD in the school musical. Or was. Just heard a couple minutes ago from ex-stepmother than the drama teacher kicked him out of the musical for continuing to canoodle with the off-limits freshman girl. Yeah, the whole community is conspiring to make this romance as forbidden as the most delicious fruit and it's WAAAAAY too late to backtrack to chaperoned visitations.

One of the yule gifts i sent her is one of those stuffed microbes for herpes. It's cute and yellow and i included a short note along the lines of "be careful and you won't have to pick up and suffer from less cute varieties of the virus." There have been many talks about birth control....her mom is uber-planned parenthood friendly (offered to take me in to get birth control when i was but 13 and had never been so much as on a date) so i know she's gotten many many talks outside of my bumbling attempts. I just don't think she'd be able to say no to this guy.

How close are you two?

Not so very. About what you might expect with a 19 year age difference and living 3 times zones apart. We've been messaging on facebook, which is slightly more effective than attempting to talk to her in person. We had a long car ride in stony silence my last evening in VA when i tried to get her to tell me what she likes about him and open a dialogue. Stony silence. Then i warned her that Dad had driven all the way to her mom's house so that all three parentals (her Mom, Dad, and StepDad) could confront her with a slew of misery. She wouldn't talk to me about him, or the situation.

This was intervention #3. #2 involved Dad thretening to undermine his application to the naval academy, and Ellie was informed that her future behaviour would determine whether or not that letter got sent. Since that was only intervention #2 and she's now on #4....well, she clearly doesn't care about his future. Or hers. Or there's. For her and her hormones there is only today.

Maybe i'll also send her some condoms and dental dams and explain how the dental dams are to be used. I'm not sure that's been covered already.

Well, there's worse things than having sex with an idiot.

I hate this burden foisted on girls about virginity. You're not a different human once you've had sex - even if it all goes to hell - you just did a different thing.

It's awful to get your feelings hurt. It's awful to have someone betray your trust. Those are the actual problems, you know? Not having "done it".

Daniel, insent.

I use 'bugger' as one of my go-to swear words. Despite the referent, it's really quite mild in the Australian context. (And the English.) I got called out on it once, on a board frequented by Mormons, again by someone who'd spent some time in England. (For some reason they thought I was a teenager going for shock value.) I apologised sincerely, assuring them I hadn't intended to slip anything in through the back door. Signed off with "Roger and out". They complimented me on my courtesy.

So many people would have been nasty, William. I'm glad to see you handled this The Other Way.

Jeez, erin. Recommend she watch some s2 Buffy, starting with "Surprise?"

Yeah, there's no stigma in her house on having sex. Just on getting romantically involved with incredibly innapropriate guys who only want to use her for sex and then break her heart. That's the problem, know that's what's coming.

I mean, there's a teeny possibility that he actually DOES like her for her....but given that he's already slept his way through the current seniors, juniors, and sophomores....well, it's far more likely that she's just giving in to 6 more months or high drama and misery.

Good point smonster!!! Heck, i'd have her watch the Parker episodes during freshman year in college, since that's a more apt comparison. I think she's only seen S1.

Erin, what's the worst case scenario?

well, it's far more likely that she's just giving in to 6 more months or high drama and misery.

If it's this? The damage to her family relationships if they keep going hard core on this could very well far outshine that.

If that's what's coming, it's what's coming. It does sound like the assume-she's-not-giving-up-and-make-sure-she-knows-what-she-needs-to is the one role not currently filled, and you could really benefit her by taking that on. And then, when it all inevitably goes bad, be the one person she maybe doesn't see as the enemy.

Yeah, there's no stigma in her house on having sex. Just on getting romantically involved with incredibly innapropriate guys who only want to use her for sex and then break her heart. That's the problem, know that's what's coming.

That's good news. Hopefully it doesn't happen at school either.

Sorry I'm assuming she's going to go ahead with the dumb choice...

I guess my thinking is that's where you can come in, you know? Telling her its her choice, respecting her to make the decision instead of being another person saying NO. Since, you know, that "NO" is unlikely to work.