He said he would have told me when I came home at Christmas.

Gee, that's swell of him. Psssssht. Families.

Anyway, YIKES!!!! Dad of ita, no more wandering into a robbery! (Now I suddenly morphed him into a Mr. Magoo-like character wandering into a robbery and then back out, perhaps with some of the ill-gotten loot somehow.) That's freaking scary!

mac refused to go to bed when I said it was bedtime. I told him, to NOT wake me up and turn off lights. That was about 9pm. He woke me up about an hour ago and I have not been able to get back to sleep. Of course he left all the lights on AND left out a bunch of dirty dishes because he ate a bunch. NOT ON. I've locked down the tv and put away the ds, we may not make it to church, but he will get woken up at 6:30 dammit.

I guess I'll go get into his bed and see if I can sleep since he is in mine.

Stupid douche bitch doctor. Doesn't want to give me any pain meds. Says I'm too calm. I ask her if she thinks I'm lying about the pain. She says no. So I'm not in enough pain? She waffles. She wants to give me only anti nausea meds IM and benadryl orally. I tell her this will give me a panic attack.

In fact I cry, which makes her thin I'm a drugseeker. I tell her I'm hanging on by my fingernails, haven't slept right in two weeks, and am freaking out at the idea of going home with the same headache I came in with.

She's uncomfortable with the idea of putting an IV in my neck. She's uncomfortable with the idea that pain meds are the best solution. I try and convey to her the abject misery that is chronic migraines, and how two days off and not that bad for the rest of the week is a win.

Okay, she just came back in from talking to the attending. He's good people, and believes that since I'm not wandering the streets in a drug induced haze, but instead orchestrate the whole thing so I can get maximum pain free work days, I'm not at risk.

She backs down some from her position and seems contrite, and tells me she's not trying to judge my pain. Still, they want to administer IM, which is fail. I think of sickle cell woman from yesterday and stand my ground-or at least petition for someone to try IV my feet since they admantly refuse my neck.

We will see.

Fuck the doctor's discomfort. If she doesn't like treating patients the way they need to be treated she should go into another line of work. I hope they'll get the IV thing working for you soon, ita.

No IV. Either she never asked the nurses, or they refused to try. Also, oral benadryl. Why do they keep insisting it works just the same as injected? Do they not take medicine? My migraine specialist gets this *so* clearly, and then you hit a doctor that looks weird at me because I'm unwilling to risk an anxiety attack. Lady, I've been crying for half an hour. You want me to gamble with adding meds-induced panic to that because you *refuse* to give me a shot of benadryl, for fuck's sake?

She's all "I'm sure we'll see each other again. " Why, lady, why? You don't like treating me. I don't think you're actually doing me any medical good.

Oh, great. She wants to know how I'm doing. THE SAME. "How does it usually make you feel? Instantly awesome?" Administered this way it makes me feel nothing but sleepy. No pain relief. And I'm not even sleepy.

She's writing for more subq dilaudid. Which makes me suspect I got a really low dose the first time. But, fuck, the bar is so low I'm impressed she offered more meds. Of course, I'm sure I'm an addict for accepting. Fuck you. I'd be addicted to pain relief in a hot second if I could achieve it for more than two days.

I wonder what a chronic pain sufferer who's not chasing drugs looks like. I should be one for Halloween.

I wonder what a chronic pain sufferer who's not chasing drugs looks like. I should be one for Halloween.

You may have trouble pulling off the 6-foot male Norwegian look of Hubby.

Yeah, I think being black and female hamstrings me in that particular disguise.

I hate people. You'd think I was asking for shit that took effort or ran risks. Or didn't have experienced medical approval. You know.

Guessed right. Original script was for 2mg of dilaudid. Do they not even read anymore?

Jesus christ. You would think having records would help.

Apparently these records say I have been sufficiently apnic multiple times that I was administered narcan to reverse the effects of the dilaudid. Really? She was a little too smug assuring me that perhaps I don't remember because I ALMOST DIED. But you know what bitch? I'm actually paying attention here. Every visit is important to me. My life revolves around the outcome.

If you all gave me narcan and I don't know about it now, I never knew. And that's not responsible doctoring.

Also, I've been threatened with narcan to keep me in line (seriously), and that nurse took pains to assure me it was a horrible experience I would regret with every fibre of my being.

Or, you know, forget all about it. Six of one…