In my venting about what people who don't know me and my shit very well say to me, I did not intend to make people feel bad. I did not mean to imply that people should stop saying anything that they honestly mean. And really, it has less to do with the sayer than with me, and where I am at the moment. Because really, people saying things to me are not responsible for how I react to it, I am.
I did not want to make anyone feel bad and do not want anyone here to feel that they need to watch what they say to me. God knows, with you people I will snap back if I take it the wrong way, because we are good like that. The reason I could just lay it all out there is because we are good like that, I'll tell you if I am taking something said here poorly.
And finally, I will leave you with this clip, it is how I let mac's therapist know when I am getting to close to the edge, I tell her, "I haven't dropped the baskets yet, but I am afraid I am really close." I have been there more often than I like and it is scary as hell, so I think part of my bad reactions to the platitudes sometimes are because part of me wants to run and run and run. The whole things explains it pretty well, or FF to 7:18 [link]
Generally, I steer clear of remarking on peeps parenting unless I feel I know them decently well. The parents on this board? I think (I HOPE!) they feel, like any statement I would make would be all WOO UR DOIN HARD STUFF RIGHT, all get on witcha bad mama self!
Because, like ita, I have a hard enough time doing for myself, and parenthood is so hard, even without extra challenges. I sincerely DON'T know if I could do it well; I would try really hard and hope that I stepped up, but...
I think the statement(s) may be just trying at empathy: "When I put my own sad self in your imagined shoes, I see how badly I think I would do, and really admire you for the great job I see you doing."
I don't know how you do it is just, well, shorter and more of a cathphrase.
OMG, analyzing to death! STOP IT VIRGO SELF.
I actually slept in a little today, which was kinda nice (although I don't want to do it too often -- down that path lie sleep-perdition, as I know all too well.)
I'm sorry for the heat wave people, because this week here has been just crazy-gorgeous fall weather: 70 in the day, upper 50's at night, clear brilliantly blue skies. Love it!
ETA: msbelle, I don't think you were snappin' at anyone in specific here (I didn't feel it, at least.) I'm just being talky-meat.
I don't expect swelling music and hidden depths just because I got pregnant.
I'm not doing a marketing job on parenthood; I'm not selling it. I'm saying that the experience of parenthood changes you so much that your prior frames of reference are difficult to apply in prognostication.
While this is generally true (Future!You will be different from Present!You), the experience of parenthood compresses the changes into a short period of time. It is not an incremental change that's easier to foresee. (Like: "As I get older I won't give a shit about what other people say and I'll be less stressed." Or, "As I get older I'll get more tired and my sense of control over my environment will get less and that will make me crabbier.")
Hec, at any point have I been unclear about my inability to take care of myself? Do you seriously think I can take care of anything or anyone else right now? Seriously?
I BARELY FUNCTION
for fuck's sake. There's no romantic guesswork that introduces a kid into that and suddenly thriving happens. Jesus.
ita: I don't know how you do it. Literally -- I'm pretty sure I would not be able to have a full-time job if I were in the pain you are in.
Thanks for the suggestions. There's a new Sally's Beauty Supply place that might want to advertise and some spas we can hit. My comic shop dude said he wasn't interested but I can try again. I wish we had a skate shop! Sadly we have to order our gear online or in Appleton.
Hec, at any point have I been unclear about my inability to take care of myself? Do you seriously think I can take care of anything or anyone else right now? Seriously?
I'm not speaking to your experience specifically, but to the general "I could never do that" class of comments. I think you are absolutely right that you are not in a position to take care of somebody else.
But if Grace were in your care, and you two were stranded you would tend to her no matter how incapacitated you were. I believe that anyway. That people will do things for a child in their care that are beyond their capacity or will or desire to do for themselves.
Like, if I were stranded in the snow with a broken leg I'd probably curl up in a ball and freeze to death. But if I had Matilda with me I'd drag myself out of the mountains on a bloody stump with her on my back.
God. How I Met Your Mother is not supposed to make you cry right?
It's the only thing I really try and do, keep this job. I'm operating in a constant state of paranoia and conviction that it can't last, though.
if I had Matilda with me I'd drag myself out of the mountains on a bloody stump with her on my back.
I'm happy for both you and Matilda in this scenario. You have spoons in your back pockets.
I would really REALLY not recommend anyone strand me on a bad day with a child. Or a cat. Or themselves. But this is not something I can talk about without getting inordinately upset, and I'm at work, and this is no time for it.
