What Erin said with the nutting. And the desperate trying to find a way to resolve the situation with less me. Running away like a chickenshit and being avoidant is totally an option.

I am running away to my bed. Trying for more hours this time round. I can't keep crying in my car this week too.

My mother used to drive me batshit with the old "offer it up" if anything went wrong.

HAHAHAHAH! I went to 12 years of Catholic school and one of my closest friends is an Irish Catholic librarian. We bandy about offer it up in a sarcastic way all the time.

Suffering as a gift?

Well gifts are meant as a hardship and a sufferance in some ways. Or at least as a sacrifice, something given, which implies that it's something that is a loss to the giver. I had a big revelation about this last Christmas. That the reason we celebrate Christmas with gifts is to acknowledge what Christians originally saw as the original gift and sacrifice.

I'm not explaining well. It made more sense 9 months ago and came about because of an NPR story on a children's choir.

Mostly if suffering and sacrifice weren't part of gifts then that O. Henry story wouldn't exist.

Running away like a chickenshit and being avoidant is totally an option.

Not in my situation. And most likely not in msbelle's either. And not really in yours either.

No one is superhuman. As sara point out, we all just get up each day and do the work of living.

I try, and sometimes fail, at not ever saying "I don't know how you do it." Realistically, it may not be my choice so I really don't get it. But I've had examples from friends, or I've gone through my own spells of other to which I know, you just deal. You do it. Here even , people marvel at what I do on weekends/weekdays. Well, hell. Me too. There was a place in my life that was unthinkable. And there wasn't guilt involved at not doing, I just wasn't mentally able to. I'm at a better place, I can now, and that surprises even me. I just wish all my friends could arrive there, where things unthinkable are possible.

Mostly if suffering and sacrifice weren't part of gifts then that O. Henry story wouldn't exist.

Gift of the Magi, I assume? I hated that story. They both gave up something they loved, for nothing. At least she could grow her hair back.

But, zenkitty, sacrifice, even of the banal variety, is part of any gift. Like I can spend the $X on a person (and I hope to do it thoughtfully) or I can have that $X for myself.

sara, I know most people who say "I don't know how you do it!" or some variant mean it generously or mean it in way to offer support. But it's still irritating.

All of this reminds me of when I was pregnant. I was debating have an amnio (and HA! I don't know if I even got that far) and in discussing it with friends I realized that I wasn't going to terminate if either baby had some chromosomal defect so what was the point. A coworker said, "Because then you could be ready." It's all sort of ironic now.

In hindsight even if I had known how things would turn out I would still have proceeded. Both kids have brought so much to my life and Grace is especially a blessing. Plus there's no way to be ready.

In other news, I got both my Tdap vaccine and a flu shot today. I am utterly worried that someone in my household is going to get pertussis. We have an ENT appointment to build a plan for tracheal reconstruction in November and if we could keep Grace healthy until then I'd be so so grateful. Actually if we could keep her healthy beyond that I'd dig that too.

Loki just exploded my balance ball/chair. Oops?

Was it funny as shit? Scary? Anti-climactic?

I keep trying to say something and then worrying I'll be putting my foot in my mouth, so I stop. But it basically goes, I get your point Kat of disliking the "you're so strong" because of the implication "I couldn't do that." Which is just--how does one react to that? Oh, so you're glad you're not me, but I am?

I mean, that's a hard line, and it's made harder by the fact that it's meant as a compliment most of the time.

The unsaid follow-up to "you're so strong" could be "I'd fuckng snap like a twig."