But, zenkitty, sacrifice, even of the banal variety, is part of any gift. Like I can spend the $X on a person (and I hope to do it thoughtfully) or I can have that $X for myself.

sara, I know most people who say "I don't know how you do it!" or some variant mean it generously or mean it in way to offer support. But it's still irritating.

All of this reminds me of when I was pregnant. I was debating have an amnio (and HA! I don't know if I even got that far) and in discussing it with friends I realized that I wasn't going to terminate if either baby had some chromosomal defect so what was the point. A coworker said, "Because then you could be ready." It's all sort of ironic now.

In hindsight even if I had known how things would turn out I would still have proceeded. Both kids have brought so much to my life and Grace is especially a blessing. Plus there's no way to be ready.

In other news, I got both my Tdap vaccine and a flu shot today. I am utterly worried that someone in my household is going to get pertussis. We have an ENT appointment to build a plan for tracheal reconstruction in November and if we could keep Grace healthy until then I'd be so so grateful. Actually if we could keep her healthy beyond that I'd dig that too.

Loki just exploded my balance ball/chair. Oops?

Was it funny as shit? Scary? Anti-climactic?

I keep trying to say something and then worrying I'll be putting my foot in my mouth, so I stop. But it basically goes, I get your point Kat of disliking the "you're so strong" because of the implication "I couldn't do that." Which is just--how does one react to that? Oh, so you're glad you're not me, but I am?

I mean, that's a hard line, and it's made harder by the fact that it's meant as a compliment most of the time.

The unsaid follow-up to "you're so strong" could be "I'd fuckng snap like a twig."

This conversation is giving me lots of ideas for a column on parenting special needs kids.

But, zenkitty, sacrifice, even of the banal variety, is part of any gift. Like I can spend the $X on a person (and I hope to do it thoughtfully) or I can have that $X for myself.

Gifts can be a expression of plenty. I mean, I do get the sacrifice POV, and I often have it, but... there are times when it is sharing in bounty, for the joy of it.

Of course, this is why potlatches were banned...

I think some of us worry we'd be those awful parents who abandon their six halfgrown children at a hospital in Nebraska when they pass a dropoff law. Er, but that would be why I has no childrens. Nor pets. Ahem.

Interesting convos here today! Sad I was all worky and couldn't chat during.

There's nearly 1 million suicides per year who might disagree with this statement, if they weren't too busy being dead.

Tcha! Well, that's why it's a SIN, sillyhead!

I want to take the Pew religion quiz, and think I'd do well, but the site is still down.

This morning as I drove three hours away (Wenatchee....home of apples...) I had to keep changing radio stations, and ended up listening to talk radio at one point...but RANDOM talk radio. Not conservative, but not idea WHAT it was...these two guys, chatting for a while about the new TLC "Sisterwives" show, and basically saying "having four wives sounds like way more work than I'm up for, but sure, if they're all consenting adults and not trying to somehow game the system, why get all up in their business? Why should we have laws against this? Aren't bigamy laws for...er...if they don't know about the other spouse? Let the gays and the polygamists do their thing, sure! But that guy seems like a douche, so the cops should go after him for being a douche" And I was a bit shocked. And then they were doing some kind of Bible "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" with each other. But in a very not-serious-of-religion way. Except not all sarcastic or anything. WTF??

I'm trying to stop myself from saying "you're stronger than I am" or "I don't know how you do it" anymore, because I've come to realize that it's just a euphemism for "dude, your situation sucks, and my choice not to be a parent (etc.) is totally validated!" And that's, uh, more douchey than I'd like to be, I guess.

One of my mom's pet peeves was "I know how you feel". You may have gone through a similar experience, but you aren't me.