Last night my sister and I went through the crumbling smelly old books she brought back from the farmhouse. A few were worth donating, or trying to sell; the rest were, alas, damaged beyond any value. So now a couple boxes of old books are sitting in my living room, waiting for me to list them on eBay or Craigslist or haul them to Goodwill. I really just want to throw them away. Nothing's that valuable. But most of them have beautiful illustrations that I know someone out there would want, to frame or decoupage or whatever crafty people do with old illustrations, so I can't just throw them out.

It shouldn't be a big deal. But fuck. Every day seems to bring one more damn thing into my house that I have to do, and I'm overwhelmed already. Doing anything requires multiple steps, or sequencing (can't do this until I do that, can't do that until this other thing is done). Just thinking about it makes me want to hide in my bed forever. I know why I spend so much time at my job. At work is the only place in my life where I feel in control, like I know what to do next and how to do it. I wish I were like my sister, one of those people who can get tons of stuff done in a weekend. I'm sure it's not really that bad; most people would just fly through it and it would all be done a matter of days. I just don't know where to start, or where everything goes (why don't I know where to put my own damn stuff?), and I can't stay focused on anything long enough to finish it. And I'm too ashamed to ask anyone for help. Part of me wants to just throw away everything and start over, but that's not really what I want. Shit, I'm tired of feeling this way. I don't know what to do.

Zen, it's ok to throw shit out. Sometimes, that's what you need to do.

I know just how you feel. The whole thing is overwhelming, I can't possibly get it all done,or done well, so fuck it, fuck it!

Right? And you're holding yourself up to "most people." Who are these "most people?" People in fucking insane decorating movies, babe! Not me, not many Buffistas!

Fuck "most people!" They're FICTIONAL. You're YOU, and overwhelmed, and that's ok.

I use something I cleverly call "Rule of 5" when I am overwhelmed, which happens on days ending with "-day."

5 things. And I'm DONE. That's it. That's all. That's the end. Pick up 5 things from the living room. Open 5 pieces of mail. Wash 5 forks. Spend 5 minutes in the yard.

Then I can walk away. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I get started and keep going. Sometimes I stop. And I tell myself in a hour, I'll do 5 more things.

It's like writing -- "Shitty First Draft." People give themselves too much grief about crafting every sentences perfectly, so they give up. Write shit! It's ok -- nay, expected! Just write something crappy, or do 5 things, it's okay if it's not perfect, or recycly or Martha Fucking Stewart.

Shitty First Draft. Rule of 5. Be a fucked up Buffista. If you were "most people," you wouldn't be here, and be so cool.

::clapclapclap:: Good one, Erin. All of that is right on.

Not right is that guy ita linked to. Seriously?!?!

I got all of my errands done, got a haircut, had a burrito (GUD), and then decided to come home to go to the bathroom and drop stuff off. After this, a nice walk and read.

I wanted to get a wall charger for my iPod for the trip, and the guy in the store got me to get the Apple one instead of the other one they had for sale because it was cuter. They were the same price, so it was a fair argument.

At work is the only place in my life where I feel in control, like I know what to do next and how to do it.

Oh, wrod. And hubby wonders why I don't hurry home after work.

Cuter at the same price? That's perfect.

I've been using French roast for my morning cappucino (wedding present machine, OMG, thanks, parents!) and I bought the Breakfast Blend this week, and it's so much better for me. Less harsh. I am switching over.

We have a backyard BBQ to go to at 4. It's PERFECT today -- suuny and about 80. I'm supposed to bring something sweet; I am thinking about making strawberry shortcake.

I also slept kinda crappy last night -- I got 1.5 hours of sleep the night before, and had really awful dreams. Ugh.

We saw Shrek yesterday. Joe and I liked it a lot although the first scene or two were particularly apt for parents of young children.

I am thinking about making strawberry shortcake.

I'm bringing strawberry rhubarb shortcake to my building's cookout this afternoon.

When I wandered through the other room earlier, The Boy was watching YouTube videos of humane mousetraps (he found mouse droppings in the attic).

Now I can hear YouTube videos about time travel and lasers.

I have NO IDEA what kind of mousetrap he thinks he's going to build.

I'm bringing strawberry rhubarb shortcake to my building's cookout this afternoon.

NOM.

Also, that reminds me: I've just sent out invites to our summer party and the process has brought to my attention that most of you live in totally NOT HERE places. Hrrmph.

I have NO IDEA what kind of mousetrap he thinks he's going to build.

A Better One. (I mean, time travel! Lasers! How could it not be the better mousetrap we've all been waiting for?)