I have the opposite problem. People seem to always think I am approachable even when I am trying to give off the "get away from me or I will hit you with this crutch" vibe.

I don't think, apart from the martial arts, that I know how to be scary at the right times. I would really like to know how to scare certain categories of guys off, for instance, and can't do it for crap.

But I have no difficulty appearing abrasive or unpleasant without intending to. I get distant easily.

I have the opposite problem. People seem to always think I am approachable even when I am trying to give off the "get away from me or I will hit you with this crutch" vibe.

Ha! You are me, except replace crutch with "wee fist."

{{{Aims}}} Hang in there, sweetie.

Hmm. Professors and classmates and other people that I interact with but don't really know well often think I'm stand-offish or rude. Random people who don't know me at all seem to think I'm really approachable.

A few years ago, a friend asked me to babysit her toddler daughter for about half an hour. I said sure, and when she came back, she said thanks, and I said, "Sure, no problem," and went back to my office. She later told someone else that she wasn't going to ask me to babysit again, because she thought that my reaction to her thank you was so unenthusiastic that I must be mad at her for wasting my time with babysitting.

sj, btdt..."Boundaries, they're nice..." Which probably helps me look scary and standoffish.

Well, yeah. Men are a different story. But they don't care whether or not I like them, if they feel like talking to me, they just will, no matter what kind of vibe I'm giving off (the asshole ones anyway). But that's sorta part and parcel of male privilege innit?

(I had to gently 'splain to hubby, who is often like a big puppy when it comes to talking to new people, that the woman who steadfastly ignored him and drove away quickly when he tried to get her to roll down her window to tell her her back windshield wiper was falling off, was not being paranoid or rude, she legitimately gets to ask herself, "Is this dude going to attack/assault me.")

"Sure, no problem," and went back to my office. She later told someone else that she wasn't going to ask me to babysit again, because she thought that my reaction to her thank you was so unenthusiastic that I must be mad at her for wasting my time with babysitting.

Oh! oh! I know this one! I have trouble with this all the time. You're supposed to say, "No! It was absolutely my pleasure! You are so welcome!" or something like that.

I know. Bugs the crap out of me too. Dude, I said it was no problem.

billytea-- I can understand your reaction to that, it's what a lot of people think. But this person keeps saying things like "antidepressants = chemical lobotomies" and then "no that's not what I meant I meant this other thing" and then also saying that because there's no cure for mental illness and the medicines are "suspect" no one should take them. She's also making the same assertions for HIV/AIDS.

Which reminds me of my Fake Security Expert Boyfriend Gavin de Becker.He likes to point out that there is no government-funded organization of dudes watching to make sure you get your groceries in.

I know. Bugs the crap out of me too. Dude, I said it was no problem.

I know! Please don't throw your passive aggressive bullshit on me. Just because you would do something that you don't want to and indicate it by your response to the thank you doesn't mean that I will.