Forward your phone to my cell and I'll answer "Sunil's pants. Sorry, but I'm in them right now. How can I help?"

oh yes, please

She sounds like my STBXBF. Has she threatened to throw your shit in the dumpster yet?

I commend your strength and would recommend not responding for a few days. See if she works herself out of her tizzie. She may just work herself into a bigger one, you never know. But it's not you, it's her. Don't forget that.

on't listen to voicemails or read emails for a few days. pick a number .

Good luck

The best answer is no answer

That's fine. I won't call you anymore. When you think that you need your parents, we might not even be there for you. If you don't want anymore contact, then that is your choice. It is obvious that you want to live your life without us in it.

And I wouldn't have kept calling you if you had ever bothered to return any of my calls and let me know what was going on. I'm sorry for being a concerned mother.

P-C, I have gotten that EXACT e-mail/rant over the phone from my mom. I am not even joking. She's said the same shit, verbatim.

I'm not Indian, but some parental bullshit transcends cultures, so PLEASE believe me when I say that her e-mail is totally designed to guilt you into begging for her forgiveness and beg her to remain in your life.

And continue to believe me when I tell you to IGNORE her guilt trip. Do NOT respond to it. Responding to it, even if you were to respond with a message full of invective, is still what she wants -- a reaction. Any reaction is better than no reaction. She proved that by the gazillion calls today -- you weren't reacting, so she kept hectoring you.

Here is what I would do if I were you (it worked for me, which is the only reason I recommend it; I'm 100% serious when I say I have SO been there): if she keeps sending e-mails like this, don't reply to them. If she DOES send an e-mail that's neutral (or what passes for neutral for her; maybe talking about family or the weather or whatever), then if you feel like replying, then reply in kind, neutrally, as if the massive guilt trip never happened.

Seriously. The best way to deal with this guilt trip is to pretend it didn't happen, because a non-response is the only way to defuse it.

As for phone calls, it's up to you to decide if/when you want to answer the phone when you see it's her. But once you DO answer the phone, follow the same basic principle: talk about neutral stuff. If she brings up the locket, tell her that you're through talking about it, but if she wants to talk about other things, you'll be happy to do that. But if she persists in talking about the locket/other guilt trippy things, then tell her that you have to go. If you have to do that, I wouldn't even tell her why you're getting off the phone. She knows.

This is all easier said than done, but I *promise* you it's the only way to deal with this and retain a modicum of sanity.

But it's not you, it's her. Don't forget that.

Trying not to.

If she DOES send an e-mail that's neutral (or what passes for neutral for her; maybe talking about family or the weather or whatever), then if you feel like replying, then reply in kind, neutrally, as if the massive guilt trip never happened.

Yeah, that's a good plan, and I agree that it's the only way to get past it. I think we've danced this danced before.

But once you DO answer the phone, follow the same basic principle: talk about neutral stuff. If she brings up the locket, tell her that you're through talking about it, but if she wants to talk about other things, you'll be happy to do that. But if she persists in talking about the locket/other guilt trippy things, then tell her that you have to go. If you have to do that, I wouldn't even tell her why you're getting off the phone. She knows.

Also good tips. Easier said than done, but yeah.

This is all easier said than done, but I *promise* you it's the only way to deal with this and retain a modicum of sanity.

A modicum is all I have left!

Happy Birthday, MM!

Be strong, P-C. You're doing what's right for you and your life. Also, Teppy is wise, and more articulate than I.

Envious of the Vortex and smonster-having, if not for the reason. I hug you both by proxy.

Also good tips. Easier said than done, but yeah.

Ignoring the guilt trips is the only effective way to deal with them, because there is NO conversation you can have with her about them that will end up in your favor. That's how guilt trips work.

A modicum is all I have left!

Well, you'd best hang on to it then! Maybe get one of those bags that you suck the air out of with a vacuum cleaner to store sweaters and such, and put the modicum in there. That'll keep it well preserved.

Teppy is wise, and more articulate than I.

I earned that wisdom the hard way, and I have the scars to prove it.

Well, and your future wife will prefer you slightly sane.

and I might take the next few days to practice your response. Because if you are like me , even when no one is there you will want to think of brilliant arguments that will convince them that you are correct ( and in practice , you will be brilliant)