The misleading thing about the "OMG SO MUCH BLOOD" reaction is that delivering amniotic fluid and uterine lining is just about the least painful part of the whole process. I mean, it's liquid.
Yeah, it's just kind of a megaperiod.
I was warned that the uterine massage they do afterwards would hurt like a mofo, but it was mostly just uncomfortable. Delivering the placenta was almost an afterthought. Like, "Oh, yeah. Guess that needs to come out, too." It looked like an enormous slab of liver. Kinda cool.
Because my IV infiltrated after having Owen, they had to take out my IV and gave me an epi shot in the thigh instead of through IV--this helps slow the bleeding afterwards.
Well, mine didn't do squat because I was still bleeding heavily the next day. The intern on duty called my doc and they decided they needed to do an exam to make sure they didn't leave any of the placenta behind.
That basatard pulled on a rubber glove up to his BICEP. I swear, it looked like one of those gloves they use to inseminate cows. But I didn't care because whatever drug they they gave me just prior to it, damn...I would love some more right now.
Still, last thing you want after passing an 8lb. kid is someone rooting around up there.
It looked like an enormous slab of liver.
Right? Though EM's was purpley.
And how cool is it that the hormone that your body produces when you're scared is a natural coagulant?
Fucking cool, that's how!
Dude, you got fisted.
No shit. Still--it was worth the drugs.
No shit. Still--it was worth the drugs.
Drugs, kinky sex and roller derby. You are my hero.
If she roller-derbyed *during* all of that, she would be so awesome that she could kick Wonder Woman's ass.
Mmmm...I'll take that under advisement.
Yeah, that's just a thing babies do. Most newborns these days are swaddled as soon as they're born, but if you just leave them tummy-to-tummy with the mom they'll work their way up to a breast. It's very cool.
I had NO idea this was even possible, but given that we are mammals, I suppose it should not have been a surprise to me. It frankly left me gobsmacked.
I gave the midwife credit for a lot in terms of making the birth such an amazing experience for both the parents.
eta: The most wonderful she did and said was repeating, "Your body knows what to do" every time anyone was tempted to freak out.
