Did you see Krissie's rant about that?

I did, but hadn't see the original "like" thingy so I didn't know what had triggered it.

I was raised by wolves.

I know why my emotions are all over the place right now, and I'm aware that a significant part of what I'm losing sleep over are things that haven't even happened and may not even happen. I get that. And I'm *trying* to force my brain to chill out about things that haven't even happened. I am.

And yet an e-mail from my mom, paragon of warm supportive motherhood, telling me that "we all have to fix our problems" is not what I need to hear right now.

The fact that I'm just now learning empathy in my late 30s (and I'm not kidding about that) is because I never ever had a model for it. God DAMN.

And I'm having lunch with my dad today, who will undoubtedly turn the subject onto him no matter what I say. He has such a gift for that. I get that he's lonely and getting older and wants to talk about himself. I do get that. (I might be low on empathy, but I'm not a complete moron.) But oh my god, I am NOT going to be able to take it today if I try to tell him how I'm so overwhelmed that I can't sleep and have eaten about 1 meal a day for a couple of weeks, and he replies with "Well, *my* acid reflux is really bad again and I don't know what to do about it...maybe I need a new drug or a higher dose but the doctor didn't say anything the last time I saw him..." etc. etc. etc.

I care about his acid reflux. I do.

Just not today god damn it, I can barely get through work without losing my shit all over the place which would not be all that great since I'd like to stay employed for as long as the company remains solvent.

The Thor joke I've heard is a poem my brother-in-law and his buddies liked, with the last line, "You're Thor, said she, consider me. I'm thorer, thir, than thee."

Can you cancel lunch, Steph? Just go somewhere that makes you happy and spend the time listening to music or reading, or something that makes you decompress.

Oh, Teppy. Parents.

And I'm *trying* to force my brain to chill out about things that haven't even happened.

I am going to share something that helps me (from DBT) and feel free to ignore it or tell me to STFU. Instead of trying not to think about the elephant, I observe and describe my feelings. "Worry, worry, pain, sadness," etc. If that's still too intense, I observe and describe my physical environment - I do this a lot when walking. "Broken asphalt, red car, soft breeze, truck noise," etc. Somehow that extra level of awareness gives me just a sliver of distance from the overwhelm.

I understand that you're venting, not asking for problem-solving, and that is why I say again - scroll on by if it's not helpful at the moment.

And I hope your father is sympathetic and supportive today.

Instead of trying not to think about the elephant, I observe and describe my feelings. "Worry, worry, pain, sadness," etc. If that's still too intense, I observe and describe my physical environment - I do this a lot when walking. "Broken asphalt, red car, soft breeze, truck noise," etc. Somehow that extra level of awareness gives me just a sliver of distance from the overwhelm.

I'm going to try this. Thanks. I mean it.

I have a feeling it would work better if I could say "Stabbing rude jerk, kicking asshat in face, punching guy in elevator on cellphone." For instance.

I have a feeling it would work better if I could say "Stabbing rude jerk, kicking asshat in face, punching guy in elevator on cellphone." For instance.

hey, whatever works.

I think I like your version better, Teppy. Not so sure the therapists would agree, but *I* like it.

Right now I have 2 modes: weepy and rage. So if I'm all fulla rage, at least I'm not sitting at my desk weeping.

Ugh, Tep. We're here for you.

I woke up this morning to find my phone shut off again. I would have paid it already, buty roommate has yet to pay his half of the rent, and he's started talking about the possibility of moving out. I have no money for food or gas until I get my unemployment check tomorrow, or Saturday or Monday (I just LOVE the uncertainty of when unemployment checks show up.

I'm SO EFFING SICK OF MONEY TROUBLES!

And even my dad, smart and liberal, sometimes falls into the trap of "it must be my fault, because I'm not trying hard enough to find the next gig." But I'm one of the lucky ones - I get work. There's what, fine or more job seekers for any job opening? Yes, my work doesn't quite work like that, but theater design work isn't exactly exploding with work either.