Ugh, Tep. We're here for you.

I woke up this morning to find my phone shut off again. I would have paid it already, buty roommate has yet to pay his half of the rent, and he's started talking about the possibility of moving out. I have no money for food or gas until I get my unemployment check tomorrow, or Saturday or Monday (I just LOVE the uncertainty of when unemployment checks show up.

I'm SO EFFING SICK OF MONEY TROUBLES!

And even my dad, smart and liberal, sometimes falls into the trap of "it must be my fault, because I'm not trying hard enough to find the next gig." But I'm one of the lucky ones - I get work. There's what, fine or more job seekers for any job opening? Yes, my work doesn't quite work like that, but theater design work isn't exactly exploding with work either.

I'm hoping my power doesn't get shut off between now and when my next check comes.

Sean! My brother! My phone was shut off this morning too. And our electricity was disconnected Monday for 24 hours while we scrambled to get a loan.

Tomorrow is payday.

Yay! I'm in good company!

I think smonster's suggestion is a good one. The other thing I try is asking myself "Am I safe IN THIS MOMENT?" The answer is usually yes and it allows me to focus on being present where I am right now instead of constantly worrying about the past/future. And it also helps me appreciate that I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and the basics, which I tend to take for granted too often.

Sean, I'm sorry it's going like that. I can totally empathize with that situation (including the reactions of family). I hope your check arrives soonest! Also that the roommate scrapes up his half of the rent.

I think I'm going to spend the morning figuring out how to reroute Newt's bank account to Sean.

It's better than what I was doing: watching surgery videos on YouTube.

The other thing I try is asking myself "Am I safe IN THIS MOMENT?" The answer is usually yes and it allows me to focus on being present where I am right now instead of constantly worrying about the past/future. And it also helps me appreciate that I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and the basics, which I tend to take for granted too often.

I used to have to tell myself that in college, when I would obsess about my mounting loan debt and pittance of income and whether it would hurt my studies to work more, etc., etc. (I have ALWAYS spent too much time worrying about things that haven't actually happened.)

I used to just tell myself, okay, I'm enrolled for the semester, tuition and room and board are paid, so I'm good for the next X months. Get there, and see what happens next.

I'm trying to do that now, but man, there are so many more things-that-haven't-yet-happened these days than there were in college. Or, at least, I'm aware of more.

(Also, Tim discovered a leak from the shower in the basement this morning. I wish I were joking.)

I've done the unemployment + freelance thing and it was the most financially stressful time period of my life. Knowing the money was coming EVENTUALLY was not comforting in the least when the bills were due NOW. (And a big reason why I'm sticking with my totally-unsatisfying-but-at-least-I-get-paid-on-time office gig for the foreseeable future. I really admire people who can do freelance/contract work - I'm just not emotionally cut out for it. Selling out to the man was ultimately very relaxing for me.)

Sean, would it make you feel better if I mailed you some BSG DVDs yesterday? Because I totally got off my ass and did that! Only a month after I said I would!

Money troubles are, IMO, the most stressful/depressing kind. The time in my life when I was unemployed and couldn't pay any of my bills and felt like I had nowhere to turn was the most depressing time in my life, and I'm comparing that to some pretty depressing times: taking care of both of my parents when they were dying at a young age and planning their funerals, finding out I had epilepsy and giving up driving, ETC.

So what I'm saying is, I really feel for you, and I hope things start looking up soon.

Yay! BSG DVDs!

You take the little things.