Sigh. The first time I took a what we call here "date B"* after taking date A, and I lost 5 point at it. Didn't fail, but any score under 85 is not ego friendly for me.
It doesn't really affects my total GPA or anything: I can still lose up to 8 points of it and make it into librarianship studies for M.A., but I'm just upset about the energy and the time I wasted trying to understand the professor's fuzzy ideas. Mostly the ones that require to ignore any data given in the graph/question, and follow what we've studied in class (I'm still traumatized by my horrible "mistake" of presuming that 3 is more than 2, which made me write the wrong answer. I wish I was kidding about the fuzzy ideas).
- In Israeli education system, from high-school matriculation exams to university tests, there are costumed two dates to each test: we call it date A and date B. Usually, given a valid reason, one can also ask for a date C.
Shir, that sounds frustrating. Also, meant to say, I'll be happy to send you my resume once I incorporate people's edits, which should be tonight.
I'm up for it! Let's do it! I was also thinking about making mine "If your life sucks so much you're on food stamps, I don't begrudge you booze and smokes."
Did you see Krissie's rant about that?
That reminds me of when John Munch on Homicide said he thought poor people used drugs so they could cope with their lack of purpose. I think he used more words than that, because he's Munch, but you know...
Did you see Krissie's rant about that?
I did, but hadn't see the original "like" thingy so I didn't know what had triggered it.
I was raised by wolves.
I know why my emotions are all over the place right now, and I'm aware that a significant part of what I'm losing sleep over are things that haven't even happened and may not even happen. I get that. And I'm *trying* to force my brain to chill out about things that haven't even happened. I am.
And yet an e-mail from my mom, paragon of warm supportive motherhood, telling me that "we all have to fix our problems" is not what I need to hear right now.
The fact that I'm just now learning empathy in my late 30s (and I'm not kidding about that) is because I never ever had a model for it. God DAMN.
And I'm having lunch with my dad today, who will undoubtedly turn the subject onto him no matter what I say. He has such a gift for that. I get that he's lonely and getting older and wants to talk about himself. I do get that. (I might be low on empathy, but I'm not a complete moron.) But oh my god, I am NOT going to be able to take it today if I try to tell him how I'm so overwhelmed that I can't sleep and have eaten about 1 meal a day for a couple of weeks, and he replies with "Well, *my* acid reflux is really bad again and I don't know what to do about it...maybe I need a new drug or a higher dose but the doctor didn't say anything the last time I saw him..." etc. etc. etc.
I care about his acid reflux. I do.
Just not today god damn it, I can barely get through work without losing my shit all over the place which would not be all that great since I'd like to stay employed for as long as the company remains solvent.
The Thor joke I've heard is a poem my brother-in-law and his buddies liked, with the last line, "You're Thor, said she, consider me. I'm thorer, thir, than thee."
Can you cancel lunch, Steph? Just go somewhere that makes you happy and spend the time listening to music or reading, or something that makes you decompress.
Oh, Teppy. Parents.
And I'm *trying* to force my brain to chill out about things that haven't even happened.
I am going to share something that helps me (from DBT) and feel free to ignore it or tell me to STFU. Instead of trying not to think about the elephant, I observe and describe my feelings. "Worry, worry, pain, sadness," etc. If that's still too intense, I observe and describe my physical environment - I do this a lot when walking. "Broken asphalt, red car, soft breeze, truck noise," etc. Somehow that extra level of awareness gives me just a sliver of distance from the overwhelm.
I understand that you're venting, not asking for problem-solving, and that is why I say again - scroll on by if it's not helpful at the moment.
And I hope your father is sympathetic and supportive today.
