Well shit.

My mother is hitting her mid-summer sulk and is up at my parent's cabin with no phone, all by herself and not checking in with anyone. She told my sister that she doesn't feel like she has a purpose in her life and that her granddaughters aren't going to be as close to her as we were to my grandparents because she doesn't live as close.

I'm having a hard time for two reasons. One - this happens damn near every summer, at exactly the same time, and has been for years. She throws off her system because she spends the summer drinking and partying and her meds get thrown off and she sinks and sinks and sinks and it sucks for her and everyone around her. Because Two - she KNOWS WHAT SHE'S DOING. She says so! "Oh - it's my summer depression. Just like my mom used to get."

She wants my dad to tell her to not go up north alone, but if he does, she gets pissed that he "won't let her go anywhere" which is so completely eye-rolly, it's not even funny. My dad refuses to play Poor Pitiful Mom which makes her mad and so they aren't communicating in any way, shape, or form which makes them both sad because they are pretty much co-dependent on each other in a very cute way.

So the debate is currently who goes up and gets her, me or my sister? On one hand - she's closer to Jess and always has been and Jess has a new baby to bait her with. On the other - I would get yelled at later on for making my sister go get her after Jess just had a baby and also because I am not as compassionate with our mother cause I'm tired of the bs games she plays and then claims noone understands her mental illness. I understand it just fine, but at some point in time she needs to take some fucking personal responsibility for making sure she is as healthy as she can be and she doesn't and it makes everyone else's life a living hell.

And of course, the fact that it happens almost every year, at the same exact time which is MY BIRTHDAY, it makes me more than a little cranky.

Vent vent emotional vomit vent and bitch.

Goddamn parents pain in the ass to raise.

Thanks, erikaj. This has been one of the hardest years of my life. I lost my home, a garden that was truly amazing, and then my grandmother went to the hospital just as the house was starting to sell and died not long after I moved. My mom hasn't been home in months, my father has now joined her down there. And I'm sure it's incredibly hard on my mom. I really feel for her. It's a cruel, cruel summer.

I've only been to Phoenix once and it was to visit a friend. I didn't do a single tourist-y thing. I just visited her at the dayspa she worked at. I hear there's a very cool ethnomusic museum that opened there recently, though.

Good luck making a tough decision, Gloomcookie.

That's awful, Aims. What a catch-22 to be in.

That sounds tremendously frustrating, Aims.

Do you know what would happen if you all decided to wait your mom out?

{{{Spidra}}} I'm sorry this has been such a difficult year for you. I hope things get better soon.

Do you know what would happen if you all decided to wait your mom out?

In all honesty she would probably come home, ignore us for a week being mad at us for not understanding her pain, and then call as if nothing ever had happened.

callauna sanding the ma~~`

and to amyth's~~~~~

((aims)) I'd say don't go , because the after sounds easier to deal with and it sounds like yo u sister has a head start on dealing with the cabin situation

of course, it really should be your dad. You guys rescuing her isn't going to change things. But who can tell parents how to behave?

{{{Aims}}} I'm sorry you have to dealw ith this frustrating situation every year.

It should totally be our dad. But she's got so much anger displaced onto to him right now that I worry she'll totally shut down if he goes up there.

Or maybe they'd fight and have the angry sex and fix everything. Who the hell knows. Some days, I really, really, really miss that 2500 mile buffer.

I don't think you or your sister should have to. Unfair to either of you.

So, parents, how did you decide whether or not to have a 2nd child?

My younger sibling is a non-neurotypical nutcase, and we got it right with the first one, so why risk a second?

I found it exceedingly rough to be the older sibling of a kid with issues (I wasn't issue-free, but his were more severe, and parents triage). I wouldn't risk putting my kid through that.