I'm sorry, Teppy. It is perfectly understandable that you can't respond to email at work. You can only do what you can do. Be kind to yourself during this time.

Aims needs a sparkly hat.

Fred Pete! I saw a Nilly post that we missed your birthday. I hope it was a good one filled with treats and happiness.

I'm sorry, Teppy. It is perfectly understandable that you can't respond to email at work. You can only do what you can do.

I know. I'm just trying so hard to handle as much of the fiddly administrative/secretarial stuff -- like answering e-mails that want to know the details for the visitation -- as I can so that Tim doesn't have to deal with it. And when I can't, it's annoying.

Plus, it just hit me as I was talking to a co-worker that the visitation tonight is the first time I'm going to see Tim's mom in almost a week. I hate visitations, because the body in the coffin is not them. It doesn't ever look like them.

And since I didn't see her after she died (I made it to the house after the funeral home people got there), I'm just not prepared to see her today. I mean, I guess no one is. But I think I'm going to lose it. Which also pisses me off, because I want to be able to comfort Tim and his family, not need comforting myself.

Damn it.

I'm so sorry, Debet. Give Maggie a loving scritch or two from me.

IOpetN, Brandy managed to slide down the entire length of stairs this morning. She started down before I had a change to grab to handle on her harness to support her. She seems fine and enthusiastically ran down the ramp to the outside. Since her harness is really a doggy life jacket it served as a cushion in her slide down the stairs as her mom stood helplessly watching.

I'm sorry, Debet.

Happy birthday, Aims!

But I think I'm going to lose it. Which also pisses me off, because I want to be able to comfort Tim and his family, not need comforting myself.

Oh honey! I know that you want to be there for Tim and his family, but please don't ignore your own grief. It's okay to need comforting, and sometimes it helps those grieving to have someone to cry with. I would go to be with you if I could, I'm sorry I don't live closer.

But I think I'm going to lose it. Which also pisses me off, because I want to be able to comfort Tim and his family, not need comforting myself.

Dude, you're allowed to cry at a funeral. I rather doubt Tim loves you because of your stoicism.

Miss Manners was my savior when I had to do greeting duties at my FIL's funeral. My brain was stuck in "Hubby needs me!" mode, but I was able to channel Miss Manners' "The ritual forms you may disregard actually have a valid use in difficult situations" advice and focus on the situation.

Debet, fuck cancer indeed. Sideways. With a chainsaw.

Steph, if you need to cry, then cry. In-laws (legally recognized or otherwise) are part of the family, too. (And if I may toss out an idea, it may help to have a family friend or two designated to help out those who completely lose it and can't get it back.)

please don't ignore your own grief. It's okay to need comforting, and sometimes it helps those grieving to have someone to cry with.

Very much this.

I'm sorry, Debet.

Teppy, what everyone said. Cry if you need to, and let Tim comfort you if he can. Sometimes comforting others is a comfort itself.