The Boy's mom is still in the hospital, and not doing any better. Watching her struggle to breathe makes *my* chest hurt.

Y'all, all the times I've posted in a panic or utterly overwhelmed because my dad has been in the hospital? It is SO MUCH HARDER -- for *me* -- to be the partner of someone whose parent is gravely ill. I feel so useless.

Remember a few days ago, smonster and bonny (and maybe some others) were talking about being service-oriented? I feel like I can't do enough to help. Or, rather, I feel like what I'm doing doesn't amount to a hill of beans.

I'm just trying to make sure there's food prepared that The Boy can grab and eat in the car when he comes home from work, changes clothes, and runs back out to the hospital. Like quiche (easy to refrigerate, and it hangs together well), or pizza, or egg salad, etc. Muffins. Whatever I can think of.

And I feel like it's useless. I know it *is* a help, but god DAMN. His mom can't breathe -- I mean literally -- and I can't do shit. I can look up info about drugs and translate for the family, and I can be the interpreter between the doctor and the family, but it doesn't goddamn FIX HER.

This is just really hard. I got back from the hospital about an hour ago -- The Boy is spending the night there tonight -- and just baked a shitload of peanut butter cookies and then washed all the dishes and folded all the laundry, because I have all this jittery stress to burn off.

I think I'm going to have some wine and peanut butter cookies.

{{{{{Teppy}}}}} You are doing what you can and being there for The Boy when he needs you.

{{{{{Teppy}}}}} It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can, and I am sure just knowing you are there for him is a great comfort to the Boy.

{{{{{Teppy}}}}} It sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can, and I am sure just knowing you are there for him is a great comfort to the Boy.

sj said it perfectly. Hang in there, hon, and let me know if you want to talk. I have been there, and I know how hard it is to feel that helpless as you watch your partner struggle.

It is SO MUCH HARDER -- for *me* -- to be the partner of someone whose parent is gravely ill. I feel so useless.

Yes. I'm so sorry, Tep, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

(OMG, that whole situation with Toms' mom is just... horrible, bananas, and apparently in the past??? Which, ???????????????????????????????????????????)

I have been incredibly sad all day, so sorrowful. WTF?

Of course, my mom calls me and asks about how happy we are, having moved here. "Well, in general, happy- today, I can't stop crying, and YOUR LOVE IS NOT HELPING MOM!"

Then I drank some beer and commandeered the jukebox at Parasols to the delight of the crowd there, and that helped. A little. Came back to an email from my housekeeper (in Salem) that made me all weepy again.

I feel... like... I wish I weren't married. Like I had no consequences beyond my own safety. Like I could go on an NOLA bender for about a month and a half without coming up for air and it would be AWESOME.

However, in the meantime, I will pet my cats and listen to my iPod and cry a lot and eventually go upstairs and go to sleep next to Tom.

One neat thing:

The hospital where The Boy's mom is staying is located just barely north of downtown, and up on a hill. So basically any room has a nice view, though what you see depends on what side of the hospital you're on.

Before I left tonight -- it was 10:15 or so, and dark out -- The Boy and I were standing at the window because I was pointing out where my car was. Then, off in the distance in some other part of town that we were able to see because we were on a hill, we saw fireworks. Not backyard fireworks, but professional ones, for about 10 minutes.

So while his mom was sleeping fitfully behind us, we stood in front of the big window and watched the fireworks, speculating on what event might be the occasion for the show. It was nice.

Around here, random pro fireworks are usually attached to sports events -- Friday home game or whatnot. All strength to you in dealing with the care thing, and healing ~ma to the Boy's mom.

That's a tough situation to be in, Teppy. But you're doing all you can. ~ma to the Boy's mom.

{{Nora}} I wish I could say or do something to make it better, but I suspect there's not anything. So, all I will do is offer virtual hugs and know that I'm thinking of you and think that you are one cool chick that I'm very happy to know.

Teppy, My SiL the nurse translating medical stuff for me when my dad was dying was invaluable and I will be forever grateful to her for that. You just being there and running what interference you can and thinking of things like portable food for him is worth the world to The Boy.