For those of you who don't like to make eye contact, do you get offended when someone does so, as long as they don't make the eye contact intrusive?

I don't feel offended; I feel...violated. That's the only word for it.

I realize that's a disproportionate bit of misanthropy on my part, but that's how it feels to me.

For those of you who don't like to make eye contact, do you get offended when someone does so, as long as they don't make the eye contact intrusive?

If the contact is fleeting, I don't mind. If someone persists in making eye contact, it is intrusive. The same way as if they were insisting on standing too close. I'll look at someone's face without trying to focus on any specific feature. I find an insistance on eye contact from someone who isn't very close to me to be an indication that they're trying to put something over on me. It's the hallmark of a shyster of some kind.

I find an insistance on eye contact from someone who isn't very close to me to be an indication that they're trying to put something over on me. It's the hallmark of a shyster of some kind.

That's interesting to me, because I may be one of those people who persist in making eye contact with others. For me, it's not trying to put something over on them, but if I'm making eye contact, I want them to know I'm aware of them.

Timely greetings and waves, all. How is everyone? The Girl has gone to Israel (for all of about 48 hours). I have a new, temp PCA who arrived ridiculously early and woke me up from a dream involving waiting for taxis. My dream life should be more interesting than my waking life, not exactly the same.

Eye contact, for me, especially on the street, involves someone staring - sometimes in a hostile way, sometimes just looking surprised or similar - at my wheelchair or walker. Especially the walker. I get a lot of 'you look like an alien on that thing' looks. It has made me learn to avoid looking at people on the street, which is a shame. I have developed a 'get the fuck out of my way, I'm going places' approach to navigating the London streets.

But I'm interested in the darshan idea. Don't know if I've ever had an experience like that - in which case I probably haven't - but it's a fascinating concept.

erika, ~ma for your stepmother. Your lack of response sounds completely normal to me. The Girl has similarly confused feelings - she doesn't have much of a relationship with her dad, and he can be a total bastard. (Which I immediately feel terrible saying, because the guy has cancer. But he can.)

I'm very close to Teppy in my feelings about eye contact.

I was well into my twenties when I realized that I never make eye contact--unless you're a close friend or family member and I'm looking for an eyelash or a speck. I watch people's mouths as they talk, and I actually rely on being able to see their lips to be able to understand what they're saying. It began as avoiding eye contact, though. I don't like someone trying to catch my eye--unless it's quick and a shared joke or moment.

I think my avoidance is fairly graceful; I'm responsive to what someone is saying, I react appropriately. But I find glancing at the whole face or the muscles around the mouth much more revealing than the eyes themselves. Eyelids, brows, yes, those are expressive, but the eyes themselves don't tell me much. And that may be a failure to read on my part.

Toast

The tweets emerging from CCSD are the best thing about this weekend. Particularly Wil Wheaton being star-struck (look, I can be on topic) by Sigourney Weaver.

erika, what everyone has said about your reaction to your stepmom's illness. It's a perfectly normal response, so stop feeling guilty. You can be as compassionate or unavailable as you choose, without blame from anybody.

Bev, I'm always looking at lips, not eyes, also.

Huh. I make eye contact. A fair amount. I've found, that as I approach a door, if I make eye contact, folks will generally hold the door. So if I am several paces away, I purposely don't make eye contact, so they aren't waiting for me. Unless the door looks heavy. Ha! But in passing by, I'll make eye contact and say hi, howdy, hello, ect. Seems the friendly thing to do. But they are in passing. When talking, I do try and keep eye contact as much as possible with out being too much. And yes, at the lips too.

I don't like noticing people looking at my lips when I'm talking. I know they're probably not being sexual, but that's where I've gone when I'm staring at someone's mouth. If they're talking to me, I watch the eyes. If this bothers them, they can break off mutual contact, but I will still keep staring there.