I'm very close to Teppy in my feelings about eye contact.

I was well into my twenties when I realized that I never make eye contact--unless you're a close friend or family member and I'm looking for an eyelash or a speck. I watch people's mouths as they talk, and I actually rely on being able to see their lips to be able to understand what they're saying. It began as avoiding eye contact, though. I don't like someone trying to catch my eye--unless it's quick and a shared joke or moment.

I think my avoidance is fairly graceful; I'm responsive to what someone is saying, I react appropriately. But I find glancing at the whole face or the muscles around the mouth much more revealing than the eyes themselves. Eyelids, brows, yes, those are expressive, but the eyes themselves don't tell me much. And that may be a failure to read on my part.

Toast

The tweets emerging from CCSD are the best thing about this weekend. Particularly Wil Wheaton being star-struck (look, I can be on topic) by Sigourney Weaver.

erika, what everyone has said about your reaction to your stepmom's illness. It's a perfectly normal response, so stop feeling guilty. You can be as compassionate or unavailable as you choose, without blame from anybody.

Bev, I'm always looking at lips, not eyes, also.

Huh. I make eye contact. A fair amount. I've found, that as I approach a door, if I make eye contact, folks will generally hold the door. So if I am several paces away, I purposely don't make eye contact, so they aren't waiting for me. Unless the door looks heavy. Ha! But in passing by, I'll make eye contact and say hi, howdy, hello, ect. Seems the friendly thing to do. But they are in passing. When talking, I do try and keep eye contact as much as possible with out being too much. And yes, at the lips too.

I don't like noticing people looking at my lips when I'm talking. I know they're probably not being sexual, but that's where I've gone when I'm staring at someone's mouth. If they're talking to me, I watch the eyes. If this bothers them, they can break off mutual contact, but I will still keep staring there.

Too much intimate contact makes me uncomfortable, whether it's touching or hugging or staring at my eyes. In fact, now that I think about, I'm actually more comfortable with touches (on the arms or back) and hugging than I am with prolonged eye contact or invasive physical stance. I have a tolerance threshold there, too, of course, but it still doesn't set off the same alarm bells in my lizard brain. Too much physical contact is more an "okay, enough" reaction than a want-to-get-away reaction. I had a girlfriend who would get really upset with me because I didn't look at her enough while she was talking to me. She thought it meant I wasn't paying attention to her. (In my defense, she did chatter a lot about nothing.) I wasn't making the "I'm paying attention" sounds she was expecting, either. (Grunts and pant-hoots, maybe? I don't know.) I watch people's faces, but I get more information from the whole face, the whole body even, than just the eyes. (Including helping me understand what they're saying.) If I feel like I need to pay particular attention to someone, I'll watch them more as they speak, but I still don't stare right at them. I guess I have that primate "direct stare is threatening" reaction. I don't stare at someone without taking my eyes off them at all unless I'm angry at them or I'm feeling threatened by them in some way.

This is fascinating, really, the different ways everyone reacts.

So what is a quick, easy way to create a legal electronic signature? Another user over on Yahoo!Answers has CC&Ped one of my stock answers and posted it lock, stock and barrel, so I'm filing a complaint with Yahoo! but they have several hoops to jump through, including either a physical signature or an electronic one.

Happy Birthday, vw!!!

The eye contact dilemma is something I think about a lot when I am out by myself, walking the dog or on my way somewhere. the streets around here are not generally thronged with pedestrians, so when I see that I am going to cross paths with someone I have time to worry about whether I should make eye contact or not, do I say "hi", will that be friendly or invasive and threatening? I'm not terribly attached to making eye contact or not in most situations, so I'm all about the other person's comfort and it's easy to get wrong in those fleeting meetings.

I think I give the impression of making eye contact when I am actually not really looking at anything but concentrating very hard so I can follow what someone is saying - my eyes are not really focused but they're probably pointed at the speaker's face and maybe eyes.