I keep remembering the guy who founded Nairopa: he was an alcoholic and a womanizer and generally problematic, yet he was also somehow an important spiritual teacher for a lot of people who would have that kind of awe in his presence. I never met him or anything, but i've met people who he taught, and they seem to have genuinely gained something from the association. Of he also lost something, well, I don't know but I doubt it. But I could be entirely wrong.

Good call giving away the jars, Hil. Bulky and easily replaced if you find you want them.

Ok, when I thought there were just facial pustules, I found that fairly amusing, I have to say. Much like sitting around the other night wondering if Kurzweil made a chalkboard that talks for Glenn Beck. Even I don't think blood cancer is funny, though, if it turns out that she has it.

erika, I'm sorry to hear that your stepmother is ill, but don't beat yourself up if you can't feel more sympathy for her than you would for any stranger. It doesn't sound like she has really done much to earn more than that from you.

Great...Thanks, Bitches(as opposed to the Olbermannesque "Great thanks," as I'm not quite old-school-tie enough to rock that one. I guess when you have had people give you a hard enough time about seeming "Normal", you start to wonder if anything you think is ever all right.

I spent some time at Samye Ling, the largest Buddhist retreat center outside Asia. The high holy guy came for a visit while I was there. Everyone went running to be blessed and a woman specifically invited me to do so. I couldn't bring myself to insinuate myself into someone else's religion/holy moment.

On the other hand, there was a small band of Tibetan monks who came on the Great Peace March. They walked and drummed and worked as part of the community. All were affable but one seemed special. When the band felt their mission was complete, and decided to go home, he stayed and completed the journey with us. I don't think I ever spoke with him, but knew his smile and gait quite well.

A couple of years after the March, I was at another event, walking across a large field. Suddenly, I felt a warmth come over me and was compelled to look around. Up on a rise, a good distance away, there was Sawada, looking down on me. We locked eyes, he smiled so brightly, I can't even describe it, and then bowed deeply. I bowed in return and he turned and walked on.

As I regained my composure, I realized that I felt as if I'd eaten the most satisfying meal of my life and had the best night sleep. It was soul-filling.

Earlier this afternoon, I'd have said I had never had a personal experience of darshan. Clearly, I would have been wrong in saying so.

I could not believe that Sawada even recognized me...and maybe he didn't really...but that was a moment, I tell you what.

For those of you who don't like to make eye contact, do you get offended when someone does so, as long as they don't make the eye contact intrusive? I always make a point to look people as close to the eyes as I can, just because I get a better feel for them when I do. Maybe I can pick up moods better that way, I'm not too sure.

For those of you who don't like to make eye contact, do you get offended when someone does so, as long as they don't make the eye contact intrusive?

I don't feel offended; I feel...violated. That's the only word for it.

I realize that's a disproportionate bit of misanthropy on my part, but that's how it feels to me.

For those of you who don't like to make eye contact, do you get offended when someone does so, as long as they don't make the eye contact intrusive?

If the contact is fleeting, I don't mind. If someone persists in making eye contact, it is intrusive. The same way as if they were insisting on standing too close. I'll look at someone's face without trying to focus on any specific feature. I find an insistance on eye contact from someone who isn't very close to me to be an indication that they're trying to put something over on me. It's the hallmark of a shyster of some kind.

I find an insistance on eye contact from someone who isn't very close to me to be an indication that they're trying to put something over on me. It's the hallmark of a shyster of some kind.

That's interesting to me, because I may be one of those people who persist in making eye contact with others. For me, it's not trying to put something over on them, but if I'm making eye contact, I want them to know I'm aware of them.

Timely greetings and waves, all. How is everyone? The Girl has gone to Israel (for all of about 48 hours). I have a new, temp PCA who arrived ridiculously early and woke me up from a dream involving waiting for taxis. My dream life should be more interesting than my waking life, not exactly the same.

Eye contact, for me, especially on the street, involves someone staring - sometimes in a hostile way, sometimes just looking surprised or similar - at my wheelchair or walker. Especially the walker. I get a lot of 'you look like an alien on that thing' looks. It has made me learn to avoid looking at people on the street, which is a shame. I have developed a 'get the fuck out of my way, I'm going places' approach to navigating the London streets.

But I'm interested in the darshan idea. Don't know if I've ever had an experience like that - in which case I probably haven't - but it's a fascinating concept.

erika, ~ma for your stepmother. Your lack of response sounds completely normal to me. The Girl has similarly confused feelings - she doesn't have much of a relationship with her dad, and he can be a total bastard. (Which I immediately feel terrible saying, because the guy has cancer. But he can.)