If she knows that won't work for her, then the choices are "break up over the phone"/"stay in a bad relationship". And I'd say if the choices really come down to that, "break up over the phone" is the lesser evil.

You're the one that's presenting an unlikely binary scenario. She's already laid out her plan, which I think will serve her. She's got a friend waiting for her, and a letter to hand over. That should be enough.

I won't belabor it further. I hope it goes as smoothly as these things can go.

I think if the breakee uses a person's presence as an opportunity to manipulate her, then he loses the right to an in-person breakup.

I'm gonna say it's not a right, it's a courtesy.

Eta: but I agree with Calli's point, taking advantage of someone's courtesy makes one undeserving of it.

Whatever you do will be the right thing, Smonster.

I think if the breakee uses a person's presence as an opportunity to manipulate her,

I think many folks being broken up with might plead the case for the relationship a bit. That isn't manipulation to my mind. Saying "I will kill myself if you leave" is manipulation. saying "Can't we work on this? Isn't there anything we can do to fix things?" doesn't feel like manipulation. It's damn uncomfortable to deal with if you are the one leaving, but it's not manipulation and to call it that seems disrespectful of the person being left.

That being said, the dropping a letter thing seems to me a PERFECT combo--respectful of both his feelings and her own.

As Miss Manners is of the opinion that there is no good/polite/nice way to break up with someone - no matter what you say or how, breaking up with someone is going to make them unhappy - I think smonster can do this however she damn well pleases. Over the phone, in person, carrier pigeon, semaphore*, whatever.

(*Please note that breaking up by semaphore does require both parties to be able to decode semaphore signals, and therefore may be not be ideal unless you are breaking up at sea in the 19th century.)

Semaphore breakups are cumbersome at best. First you board ships...

I have no break up advice for Smonster, just tons of virtual support from TX.

ION. I haz ESCAPED! Sad when getting away from work at 5:30 is considered escaping. Either way, I'm home, about to cook some grub to eat, and sit in fluffy, and quite possibly fall asleep before the woot changes over. And I count that as a victory!!!

askye, remind me (if you don't mind sharing) -- where is the pain? And what kind of pain is it? And do you have other symptoms? And does anything precipitate the pain and/or other symptoms?

I don't mind sharing. It's a little hard for me to describe (I feel like my fat is getting in the way, I think it would be easier if I had a flatish stomach and a Mr Good Body suit on, well a Ms Good body suit... I digrees).

It's almost like there are two separate things going on: 1- I have an almost constant ache about hip level and I feel it more in the back. It's not back pain, this is going to sound weird, but it's more of a spherical pain feeling rather than a flat back pain feeling. That's the best way to describe it.

So the pain will flare up and be really bad like Sunday night. The pain kinda blossomed and was larger but was more toward the front and ached and there was radiating pain down almost like a line towards more of my pelvic area. It was like there was the big main pain and then a slight tether of pain down to a base where it hurt more than the tether but less than the main pain. Sort of a shooting pain.

When they did the pelvic ultrasound with the wand at first it felt weird but not bad, she pressed to the right and I felt pressure but not pain, like when you get a pelvic exam. When she pressed to the right it hurt so bad, but it felt like it was on the otherside of where the wand was.

Also when the pain flares and I sit in certain positions or lie on my left side it feels like I'm pressing on something and that causes more pain.

That's probably more than you wanted to hear but I haven't been able to tell the doctor all this.

I hope you can get it figured out, askye. Ouch.