I feel like just telling them that I'm vegan and letting them choose based on that isn't really fair to them -- someone who isn't vegan or who hasn't really tried to find vegan food before isn't going to know what to look for or what questions to ask.

Can you tell them you're vegan and offer to help in the finding of a restaurant? Maybe give them some questions to ask (if they want to do the search) and also offer to do an internet search yourself?

I feel like just telling them that I'm vegan and letting them choose based on that isn't really fair to them

How is that not fair? If they're going to assume the responsibility of feeding you, they're assuming the responsibility. Don't make it your problem. If you had a food allergy, would that be unfair?

If you had a food allergy, would that be unfair?

Or a religious reason to avoid foods? Like, they wouldn't want to take some who keeps kosher to eat crabs either.

Yeah, I still remember when at my first job we had someone new start, and we were like "yay, reason to go to lunch today!" and suggested a new restaurant near work (there weren't many)...which was a Brazilian barbecue place. Y'know, where they walk around with skewers of meat, and it's all you can eat. We were mostly excited, because we hadn't been there before.

She didn't mention until we were there, wondering why she wasn't eating, that she was a vegetarian. We were like "DUUUUDE. We would have gone somewhere ELSE!!!"

How does this sound? (The email I got from them said that they'd take me out to dinner if my schedule allowed it.)

Thank you for your response. I look forward to meeting you and seeing the campus. I will be available for going out to dinner. I'm vegan, so restaurants that serve only seafood or only barbecue usually don't have anything that I will eat, but I can usually find something at most other restaurants.

From the web searches I've done, I've identified a few restaurants that have things I'll eat, but I'm not sure how to say that. I keep trying to find a way to say "Thai, Mexican, or Italian is easiest for me." (Thai always has stuff, and I know that there's a Thai restaurant in the area.. Italian, if all else fails, can make pasta primavera. It looks like there are two Mexican restaurants in the area, and they both have vegetarian sections of their menus with several items that can be made vegan by leaving off the cheese.)

I keep trying to find a way to say "Thai, Mexican, or Italian is easiest for me." (Thai always has stuff, and I know that there's a Thai restaurant in the area.. Italian, if all else fails, can make pasta primavera. It looks like there are two Mexican restaurants in the area, and they both have vegetarian sections of their menus with several items that can be made vegan by leaving off the cheese.)

I would go ahead and say that those cuisines are easier for you. Gives them more to work with.

Or lie and say you are meeting up with other friends in the area for dinner but thanks for the offer.

I keep trying to find a way to say "Thai, Mexican, or Italian is easiest for me."

I think just saying "In my experience, most Thai, Mexican, or Italian restaurants will have vegan options" is fine. Most people will want to be accomodating, and more information is always helpful.

I'm vegan, so restaurants that serve only seafood or only barbecue usually don't have anything that I will eat,

I think that this sounds argumentative. I would suggest something like.

"I am available for dinner, but wanted to let you know that I am vegan. If you're not familiar with vegan options in the area, Thai, Mexican and Italian menus usually have vegan friendly choices. Thanks again for the invitation, and see you on the 21st!"

Hil, I'd tweak it a little bit so it reads more like this:

Thank you for your response. I look forward to meeting you and touring the campus. I will be available for dinner, but please note that I am vegan. Thai, Mexican, or Italian restaurants usually provide the greatest number of options. Seafood- and barbecue-only places usually do not have any dishes that I can eat.

edit: inevitable x-post!

Now I want thai food.

AND crabs!

The curse of the omnivore!