I'm struggling through my Masters' thesis, writing computer codes for the traffic simulation algorythms I'm working on, and in need of some computer-thing to fill in the times of compilation and waiting-for-results-while-long-programs-are-running.

I find Salon, first out of curiosity as to how outsiders see things that are my everyday life (um, I'm living in always-on-the-news way-more-than-its-size-warrants Israel). Finding TT is easy, and finding a place on TT where people actually talk about that TV show who seems not-worthy-of-your-time by most people around me makes me very happy. I'm glad to know it's there.

[Um, I'm single, going from one failed blind date to another, and am sometimes whining about it to this nice friend of mine, who works at the lab below mine, and comes to get some chocolate and/or comfort whenever his thesis progress or his blind dates don't go as well as expected.]

I'm lurking for ever, for two important reasons: I've never communicated with anyone in English before, and I watch the episodes a few months after everybody in the USA, due to the Israeli schedule of broadcasting, so I actually have nothing relevant to say, in my not-trusted language.

Then, BtVS is pulled here (after S3 ended). What's more, there seemed to be zero chances of it ever returning to an Israeli screen (let alone them showing AtS). And I miss my show and those characters.

It is the first time in my life that I actually go looking for "what happened then" (I don't think I've heard the word "spoilers" at the time. I called it "looking at the ending of the book"). None of the "episode guide" sites give me what I was looking for, which is the feel of the episodes and what they make you think, which is what I like most (plot points are nice and important, of course, and other sites had plenty of that, but I'm looking for something different).

Reading ahead on the "Buffy" thread on TT on S4 episodes is easy. Soon I reach the end of the existing threads, and am able to follow conversation as it was taking place.

But this means, of course, that by definition, I really have nothing to say. I don't watch these episodes, I only recognize maybe one out of four cultural references, and I always have to have an English-Hebrew dictionary at the ready. Even when distinct names start to become people, and I begin to like those names-who-are-people on the screen, I still have pretty much nothing to say.

But then, I do. It is a discussion about "Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been", a while after it aired in the USA (probably due to a re-run) and people comment about the amount and detail of the references to the time period in which the flashback parts of the episode took place. I just saw the episode. (I lucked out enough to get a tape fairy, not a Buffista, which was pretty amazing and surprising. I don't think that downloading episodes of TV shows was possible at the time, or at least common knowledge, and yes, my prudish self wonders to this day what that same prudish self would have done, had it been possible, but, well, it hadn't been, and that's that).

So people keep writing that there were too many references to USA history, that they were too heavily pointed-at, that diluting them or putting them in the background could have been enough and subtler, and I suddenly realize that I want to say that, no, it was just the exact amount for a stranger from another country, history and language to follow it all. And *then* I realize that this means that I have something to say, something that nobody else there could have said, because nobody has my perspective. I can really contribute something original to the conversation.

So I try. And it goes OK. The people who are nice and polite to each other continue being nice and polite to me, as well, surprisingly enough, and apparently I manage to make my English appear passable (I am so proud), without a too-thick accent. Phew. Back to lurking and having-nothing-to-say, right?

Only, I get a taste for posting, now. And before I know it, the rest is still being history.

[Edited for having full paragraphs in each post. Sigh. Having-nothing-to-say in a really long-winded fashion, ha?] (continued...)

( continues...)

[Oh, and I remember the first time I felt like I wasn't just a name-on-a-screen to somebody else, that I became a person to somebody's screen, not just opinions-on-a-tv-show. It was in a discussion with ita (IIRC, something to do with Xander and Anya, but I am really not sure how RC this is). She wrote something to the effect of "you're wrong. First of, because you are, and second, because actual-reason-blah-blah-blah-I-can't-remember-any-of-it-cakes".

And I was thrilled, because, hey, the stranger on the internet joked with me, and trusted that I would understand the humor, and didn't worry about walking-on-eggshells the way you do with complete strangers, the way you have to in order to be completely polite around them and only let your guard down among people you feel more comfortable with. I was a "let your font's guard down" person, yay (also, easily thrilled, or so it seemed).

It still took me quite some time to dare to play games with English, to flow with my thoughts when I type, and to discover how large are the paragraphs I can throw at the screen if I don't pay attention. Um, pretty much like right now, so I better shut my keyboard up. That's definitely one thing I've learned since delurking: I need three posts and 17 paragraphs in order to say "Timelies!". Um, wasn't I shutting my keyboard up now? Yeah, right.]

[Edit: and now, really-now, tonight, taking care of a sick throwing-up infant - 3 times he woke up, I stayed awake watching him, making sure I'm there for him if he wakes up again, and looking for something to keep me awake when he nods back to sleep in my lap, this PiToddler whom I could never have imagined all those years ago, I haven't even dared dreading someone as wonderful as himself or his sister could ever exist in the world - I find this lovely game in this lovely thread, and I just gulp it - no skimming or skipping! In fact, if he manages to sleep now, I may actually attempt a meara! - and as it so often happens, when I need to know that I'm not all alone in whatever-it-is that is going on right now, I turn to you guys, and you're there. Not "there for me", just there, but rather, the very fact of you being there, is more "there for me" than I ever need, if that makes any sense at all.

OK, really shutting my keyboard up now. Really.]

I LOVE NILLY AND THAT IS ALL BECAUSE SHE IS THE AWESOMESAUCE ON OUR BUFFISTACAKE.

Pfft, you are the nicest! Of course you'd say that!

[Edit: I've been editing my former post instead of throwing all sorts of pink ponts at your screen, what a sad waste of time.]

Yeah! And your English is good, Nilly. Foreign- reading but in a way that is pleasant.

Oh, erika! He also was wearing the pants he got as a present from you and your mom on the holiday that just ended! They're just the right length now (last year, I had to fold the bottoms). I need to check if the shirt is still good for him.

The problem is, I never manage to take his picture with these clothes, because he's usually wearing them on shabbat or a holiday, when I don't use a camera. I need to rectify that. And, um, not just because, to my completely objective eyes, he's the most beautiful little boy I've ever seen.

[Edit: which is a very long and strange way of speling "thank you", isn't it?]

Nilly, you are one of many exemplars of what the best of this us is. It's been a privilege to get to see your journey.

Oh, sara! That's what I think of you. Thank you.

(Every year, on Sukkot, I remember how you wrote, many many Natter threads ago, about how you see the sukkot built around where you live.)

Nilly! I love to see you and I love your Buffista coming-out story!

Nilly's "Timelies!" are the best!