JZ explains religion to tommyrot:

"Dude! God is not your orange chicken fetching monkey!"

brenda m: I don't particularly mind about misuse of decimation, but as soon as you attach any number to it (aside from, you know, ten) you've crossed the line from casual misuse into wrongity wrong wrong.

In movies:

Daisy Jane:

So I've got this great idea for a movie. An alien crashes in the desert behind this kid's house and they befriend each other, maybe even start to share some kind of physical bond. The kid tries to help the alien get back to his home planet (we could have some corporate tie ins here. Say Verizon and the alien could be all "Can you hear me now?" maybe even with a candy company like Skittles or something). It'll be brilliant-make a million, billion dollars.

Imma call it A.B.-Alien Being.

Whatta ya think?

tommyrot:

Who are the bad guys?

Jessica:

I'ma guess Steven Spielberg's lawyers.

Kat: I'm a terrible and disgusting mother. I took a fry off of Noah's plate and then he yelled at me, "I want my french fry back." I took the chewed fry out of my mouth and gave it to him. He promptly ate it.

What is wrong with me?

Erin: OMG, Kat, don't write those horrible things! I'm totally a mandated reporter

Hec (DavidS), in Bitches:

Marriage is hard. Don't do it with strangers.

And Allyson knows us sooooo well:

... a reasonable Buffista due date (2015 maybe),

sarameg: I have wrestled 2 ac units out of the windows, into their boxes and down into the basement. Only one gash on my arm. We'll see how many bruises erupt.

Why do ac units have to be so fucking heavy?

Steph L.: Because of all the cold air they hold. Since, you know, hot air rises and cool air sinks, cold air MUST be the heaviest, and an a/c must hold a LOT of cold air, so it's really heavy.

...or something like that.

Yeah. I think this needs to be preserved. Posted by Hec in Other Media... there was context:

My Little Sister

By Emmett Smay 9/16/09 p.2/3

I was in the fifth grade coming back from recess when I saw my mom coming towards me.

I asked, “Mom, what are you doing here?”

She said,” Jacqueline went into labor this morning and you have a little sister.” I was less than thrilled. In fact, my first response was “are you taking me out of school?” My mom looked a little shocked and said maybe. I didn’t want to see my sister but I did want to get out of school. The other reason I wanted to go with my mom into San Francisco was that my birthday was three days prior so I wanted to get my new iPod.

When we got to my house in S.F., my dad greeted us in. He asked how I felt about having a little sister and I said that I wasn’t very excited about it. My dad knew that I didn’t want a little sibling already but he still looked a little down about it. We all stayed at home for a while and then we left for the hospital. All I could think about was how cool my new iPod was.

When we got up to the hospital room my step-mom was asleep on the hospital bed and in a little crib next to the bed was a small, adorable, and sleepy little baby girl. On the white board above her was a sign that said Welcome to the World Matilda Azalea Smay. The minute that I saw her I warmed up to her. About ten minutes later she woke up and I asked my dad if I could hold her and he said yes. He very carefully picked up the little bundle and told me to support the head most of all. He handed me Matilda and she looked up at me with her giant brown eyes and I knew how important she was to me right then.

My dad and I took a walk around the hospital with Matilda and we watched her squirm and flail like new infants do. I looked at her and thought about the fact that she doesn’t even know that she has fingers or hands yet. I couldn’t wait to take her home. I barely knew her but I loved her so much already. She was so cute and tiny with the pudgiest cheeks ever. I asked my dad if we could take her home and he said that she had to stay at the hospital for a couple of days so that they could make sure that she was healthy. The night before we took her home the hospital gave us an awesome dinner. I remember that I had a very delicious steak. While we all ate we watched Matilda sleep in her hospital crib all snuggly and warm. She was very small. She was also a month early. Her due date was on Halloween but she was born on September 26, 2006. Which was three days after my tenth birthday.

The day that we got to bring her home she still didn’t know what was going on. I realized that she didn’t do too much. She was still only four days old so what can you expect of her. That night she fell asleep on my chest. Then when she woke up I passed her to my dad and she slept on my dad and Jacqueline for the rest of her first night at her first home other than the hospital.

As a small baby I wanted to do everything with her. In every baseball championship team photo I was holding her up so that she was in the shot. When she started walking even just a little bit I would run with her around the bases after every game. My little sister is very shy around my friends and I think that it might just be that she’s uncomfortable being around a lot of people.

She is currently two years old but her birthday is ten days away and after that she’ll be three years old. In that time she has learned how to walk, talk, and put whole paragraphs together (by speaking of course she can’t actually spell anything yet, but she can identify a lot of letters pretty consistently).

She is still the cute little girl that she was the day that she was born but now she’s even cuter, if that’s possible at all. Which it is!

***

And I think brenda_m speaks for many of us:

Oh man, David. I love Emmett even more right now if that were possible. Which it is!

Jen, I love that very much and would never have seen it in the thread where it was posted, so thanks very much for posting it here!

What Bev said.