REALLY, FOX, A PLANET OF THE APES REBOOT?

You’d think that after they got a respected director like Tim Burton and an all-star cast to remake Planet of the Apes once already and it still ending up kinda sucking, that they’d be content to let sleeping classics lie. But this is Hollywood, so Fox is digging up its corpse for sexy time, as per usual.

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Frank’s Apes script, code-named Caesar, showed how genetic experiments on apes led to their evolutionary eclipse of humans. “Caesar” refers to the genetically altered leader of the simian rebellion, so dubbed because the ape was capable of grand strategic thinking on par with Julius Caesar (whose own surname means “hairy” in Latin). The “Caesar” code name also foreshadowed the script’s plot: Just as the actual Julius Caesar set Rome on the path to the Roman Empire, the experimental ape’s escape sets in motion his fellow hirsute hominids’ (wait for it … ) guerrilla war and subsequent dominance.

It a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, the 4th film in the series. Which sounds like Fox is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for material to remake.

It a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes, the 4th film in the series. Which sounds like Fox is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for material to remake.

Yeah, I was gonna say - Conguest is an odd one to pick from all the Apes films for a reboot.

I don't remember whether that was any good. The second one sucked, but the third one was the best of the sequels, I think. The summer Tim Burton's remake came out, we watched all five movies. It was fun times.

Fox has long recycled basic plots. How to Marry a Millionaire is Moon Over Miami minus the songs. So, if I'm fine with a remake of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes if it's a vehicle for Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable, and Lauren Bacall. Otherwise, um, no.

Are they going to go the whole nine yards and dig up Roddy McDowall to star in this thing, Weekend at Bernie's-style?

Back from the Noir City double-feature at the Castro. Tonight's theme, Bad Girls of Noir: One Girl's Confession and Women's Prison. I haven't enjoyed the movies that much in a long time.

Sweeeeeet! I just got an email from the Paramount in Oakland about upcoming films. We need to choose at least one to hit.

Which sounds like Fox is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for material to remake

Hollywood's remade Zardoz. How much more bottom can you get?

Hollywood's remade Zardoz.

What!?!??!? I missed that somewhere along the line. Why, dear lord, why?

Of course, even if the original was good, I'd ask "Why?" because I don't get the rationale for director-oriented films being remade.