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Buffista Movies 7: Brides for 7 Samurai

A place to talk about movies--old and new, good and bad, high art and high cheese. It's the place to place your kittens on the award winners, gossip about upcoming fims and discuss DVD releases and extras. Spoiler policy: White font all plot-related discussion until a movie's been in wide release two weeks, and keep the major HSQ in white font until two weeks after the video/DVD release.

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Zenkitty - Feb 11, 2015 5:26:33 pm PST #28457 of 30000

Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.

Jupiter Ascending is SO BAD, y'all. Have a drink or two, get a bucket of popcorn, and go see it. It's hilarious!

I understand why 13-year-old girls love it. It's Cinderella In Space! With her evil stepfamily! And instead of Prince Charming - whom she doesn't need because she's the long-lost QUEEN OF EARTH - she falls in love with the Huntsman! Who rescues her in the nick of time at least 7 times! Granted, she rescues herself two or three times, and beats the holy snot of out of a villain with a rebar, and saves her family with her Wits and Courage and Honorable Heart. There are many battle sequences and chase sequences and they are spectacular and they go on for hours! There is an eight-minute-long chase scene. And the dialog is ridiculous. This movie has the single stupidest line of explanatory dialog I've ever heard. I laughed out loud in the theater.

If this were actually written by an adolescent girl, I'd think, hey, not bad for a young person! Keep writing! But it was written by Lana and Andy Wachowski and oh my goodness it's bad. It's a teenage girl Mary Sue of the first order. Every sci-fi cliche is represented. Charming-Huntsman even got to fight a dragon!

Mila Kunis says Holy crap a lot because she's Just An Ordinary Girl, and I couldn't understand half of what Sean Bean or Eddie Redmayne said. But the bureaucracy sequence is intentionally funny, and um, yeah, the visuals are spectacular, and... look, it's just silly. It's pretty and silly and great for a laugh. See it at a matinee.

Zenkitty - Feb 11, 2015 5:28:08 pm PST #28458 of 30000

Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.

Oh, and Terry Gilliam has a brief appearance. I had to confirm it was him after I got home.

Jessica - Feb 12, 2015 4:43:35 am PST #28459 of 30000

And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset

This movie has the single stupidest line of explanatory dialog I've ever heard. I laughed out loud in the theater.

Zen, was it the bees?

Zenkitty - Feb 12, 2015 7:48:39 am PST #28460 of 30000

Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.

Jessica, yes! My friend and I both lost it at that one.

Jessica - Feb 12, 2015 9:00:58 am PST #28461 of 30000

And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset

That scene perfectly encapsulates the core problem with this movie, too - absolutely gorgeous visuals that are 100% destroyed as soon as anyone opens their mouth. Except Eddie Redmayne, who understands.

Zenkitty - Feb 12, 2015 9:17:47 am PST #28462 of 30000

Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.

But it passes the Bechdel test!

Jessica - Feb 12, 2015 10:11:02 am PST #28463 of 30000

And then Ortus came and said "It's Ortin' time" and they all Orted off into the sunset

But it passes the Bechdel test!

....yay....

Matt the Bruins fan - Feb 12, 2015 3:54:11 pm PST #28464 of 30000

"I remember when they eventually introduced that drug kingpin who murdered people and smuggled drugs inside snakes and I was like 'Finally. A normal person.'” —RahvinDragand

So in this Kingsman movie, is most of the focus on Colin Firth's character, or on the kid with the annoying voice who plays Millar's stock snotnose punk protagonist?

SuziQ - Feb 12, 2015 6:51:23 pm PST #28465 of 30000

Back tattoos of the mother is that you are absolutely right - Ame

I have been conned into go to see 50 Shades tomorrow. It is a testament to my friendship with K that I am doing this. So, I think I will need a drinking game to get through the movie. I'm afraid to Google.

DebetEsse - Feb 12, 2015 7:37:42 pm PST #28466 of 30000

Woe to the fucking wicked.

When something onscreen makes you want to drink, drink?

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