19 Fucking years old. NINETEEN. And being in the media spotlight I think there's less chance of him changing, since there are so many people willing to give him a pass just because he's big.

One can hope. But I do want to grab Rihanna and...well, I don't know what I'd do.

Apparently she'll believe anything you say after you smack the shit out of her so try that?

(No no no. I get that there are layers upon layers of problems when someone stays with a person who has abused them. But JESUS WOMAN.)

Wow. That's extreme. I hadn't heard what had happened--I mean, things getting a little out of hand is one thing, and maybe you can think with some counseling and some sincere apologies and some "no one was there but us and you don't know the situation" or whatever, but...that's WAYYYYY beyond "things getting a little out of hand", in my book. WAAAAAAAAAY beyond. HELLA beyond.

Urban camouflage in, I think the original post said, an IKEA store.

I think staying with an abuser, especially such a severe abuser is the wrong thing to do. (And yeah, I know sometimes abusers learn better. But that is the exception and more of an exception with someone that extreme.) But the thing is, I also totally get how how hard it is to leave.

The thing is if you are with somebody like that you probably love them or at least feel like you do. And quite often abusers are remarkable charming right up to the first attack. And so you are in love with someone, they are awful to you, I can totally understand wanting to give them another chance. In fact it is almost unheard of for an abuse victim to leave the abuser after the first violent incident. For that matter, typical abuse victims who leave their abuser do so ,on average, on the seventh try at leaving them.

He fucking bit her.

I am overly bothered by this.

ita, I'm totally with you on their is no excuse, and she should leave him. But I'm just pointing out, it is really typical behavior for her not to. It is a situation where it is really hard for the victim to see that leaving is the right thing to do.

I wasn't responding to you, TB. More like cross posting.

I've known one woman who was physically abused (who shared with me, anyway). She's one of the strongest women I've ever met. She had to be essentially kidnapped away while her boyfriend was on vacation. After he'd broken bones.

I know I don't understand it. It could happen to me. But it hasn't, and it makes me crazy.

It makes me crazy, too. Someone tried to say some shit to me (a while ago) about how maybe it wasn't all him or whatever, and my point was this: a relationship with violence like that is not a good relationship for either of them!

Having worked in two DV shelters and been a court DV liaison, the average -- average! -- number of times a woman leaves an abuser is 7. 7. And this is after worse violence than has been visited upon Rhianna, I'm sad to say. I've seen police photos of a woman whose boyfriend took an axe to her and she refused to press charges. It's terribly hard not to blame the victim in some cases because it seems so clear-cut from the other side of the fence -- you're like. "Jesus, woman! A fucking axe!" but it's hard because oftentimes, there's years of emotional investment, economic considerations, habit, cultural imperatives...these women often know they should leave, but actually doing so, when faced with the abuser, it's extremely hard. Because they often do love the person. And almost no relationship is all bad -- the lure of "he can change" can be incredibly seductive when you love someone, even someone who hurts you.

In MO, at least, in DV cases, it's no longer the vic who presses charges -- it if it's called in as DV to the police, then there it automatically reverts to the prosecutor's office and there is a mandatory hearing. Sometimes there are cases where this is not valid, but since so many women refuse to testify against their abuser, this does lead to more jail time, since PO's, EMT's and other witnesses can and do tesify.

I'm not an apologist for abusers -- hardly! -- but even smart, savvy women have problems leaving abusive relationships.