Having worked in two DV shelters and been a court DV liaison, the average -- average! -- number of times a woman leaves an abuser is 7. 7. And this is after worse violence than has been visited upon Rhianna, I'm sad to say. I've seen police photos of a woman whose boyfriend took an axe to her and she refused to press charges. It's terribly hard not to blame the victim in some cases because it seems so clear-cut from the other side of the fence -- you're like. "Jesus, woman! A fucking axe!" but it's hard because oftentimes, there's years of emotional investment, economic considerations, habit, cultural imperatives...these women often know they should leave, but actually doing so, when faced with the abuser, it's extremely hard. Because they often do love the person. And almost no relationship is all bad -- the lure of "he can change" can be incredibly seductive when you love someone, even someone who hurts you.
In MO, at least, in DV cases, it's no longer the vic who presses charges -- it if it's called in as DV to the police, then there it automatically reverts to the prosecutor's office and there is a mandatory hearing. Sometimes there are cases where this is not valid, but since so many women refuse to testify against their abuser, this does lead to more jail time, since PO's, EMT's and other witnesses can and do tesify.
I'm not an apologist for abusers -- hardly! -- but even smart, savvy women have problems leaving abusive relationships.
Does anyone remember a vegetable stock recipe around here, one where you roast the vegetables beforehand? I tried it once, and it was arvellous, but I didn't record it. Googling hasn't rung a bell yet.
Wow. I had imagined an impassioned 2-way fight, because that's all too understandable.
But man, what really happened is so much more terrifying. I also read that she told police that it wasn't the first time.
She was pretty quick-witted to fake the call to her first assistant. I can't imagine having quite that much presence of mind. I think my brain would be all lizard at that point.
Yeah, for serious. I would maybe have thought to make the call, but when I didn't get an answer I would have just freaked out.
The description is so crazy because it's clear how quickly something can go so bad. The bit where he's driving with one hand and beating her with the other...that's just messed up. She can't get away.
And I agree with the 19! 19! assessment. How can you be like that at 19?
I come from a family where my aunt shot her husband when he came home drunk and got abusive. (He lived, by the way.) I seem to just be able to recall my dad slapping my mother one time during an argument. The kids were packed up before the redness faded on her cheek. I have never seen my father raise his hand to my mother since then. Ever. And he's had ample cause.
Dinner tonight, is, according to Olivia, "Chicken and Farmer John."
How can you be like that at 19?
I think I read somewhere the his father was abusive toawrd his mother. I guess he learned it at home.
We fought in our relationship. Our early years were plenty of Sid & Nancy. Lots of broken glass, thrown things. I wrote impassioned songs about it. But he never raised a hand to me. The most physical against each other was me putting him through the wall in our studio apartment. (We later covered the hole with a Monet poster. It was that kind of life.) So I can see what it's like to be fighting with someone all the time and still be deeply in love.
But fighting like that is a long long way from what was described in the account.
