(And what's up with her name? I wouldn't be able to say it aloud without adding "de Paul Society")

Hee.

I'm not a parent, of course, but I would think that lying should pretty much always have consequences. But maybe if she is saying let it go to focus on some other, more important, thing right now that would make sense? gah. parenting is complicated!

And this.

I should just shut up and let lisah post.

I should just shut up and let lisah post.

ooh! What else do we need to talk about?

There has been no consequence thus far for him not doing the homework, basically because the people at the program are afraid he will flip out like a mammal.

I am not sure if any other kids are not doing it.

I have no goals for the program, like I said, I would have preferred a play only summer program for him. Socialization is fine for me.

Because you don't always have to do the homework to get the stuff you really need out of school

regular school does not hold this view and not doing homework affects grades.

ooh! What else do we need to talk about?

Bangs or no bangs

Johnny Legend or Usher

Roller Derby: flat track or banked

Gibson or Fender

FWIW, I didn't do any of my math work in the 3rd grade. Evidently, since I got As on all the tests -- and read quietly when the other students were working on their sums -- the teacher let it go, which surprises me in retrospect.

But then we didn't get a whole lot of 3rd grade homework in 19(mumble).

I feel like the lying I deal with isn't comparable because it's mostly pretty artless, but I do point out to my kids that I know when a certain statement is a lie. The next thing I try to do is ask why I was told a lie and try to figure out what the desire is behind it.

Maybe that's one way to proceed with mac? I guess here the desire is obvious--not to do homework.

Hmm. If the school is not leveling any consequences then I can kinda see the therapist's point. What does the therapist think about letting mac know you know it's a lie?

There has been no consequence thus far for him not doing the homework, basically because the people at the program are afraid he will flip out like a mammal.

I know there are a lot of issues here, but I have to say I agree with you on being in *disagreement* with his therapist. I can't imagine how this isn't reinforcing exactly the wrong way to get what you want.

My approach might be to say, "You wanted this program, but you're not holding up your end of the bargain," and take some privilege away if he continues not to do the homework and/or lie about it. But I don't know what the consequences of that approach would be for *you*, so.

mac has no longerterm view of life (not that many 8 year olds do), so getting bad grades does not bother him one whit, well except that it does on some level and it reinfirces his baseline self-view that he is a no good very bad kid. So aside from being a parent that thinks he should work tokeep grades up because learning is important, I also know that it is important to his emotional stability we are working so hard to maintain and strengthen.

I guess I will just acknowledge that I know he is making a choice to not do it, will let the teacher know that I am aware of it and let her decide if she wants to have any consequences, and also let him know that come the fall homework will become a requirement that reflects on real-school grades.

That sounds fair.

the consequences of that approach would be for *you*

I think this is also part of the therapist's reasoning. She refers to the fact that I am still recovering from being traumatized (her term) in mid-June. She's not wrong and I basically stay at a place of mid to high alert should he spin out-of-control at any moment.