FWIW, I didn't do any of my math work in the 3rd grade. Evidently, since I got As on all the tests -- and read quietly when the other students were working on their sums -- the teacher let it go, which surprises me in retrospect.

But then we didn't get a whole lot of 3rd grade homework in 19(mumble).

I feel like the lying I deal with isn't comparable because it's mostly pretty artless, but I do point out to my kids that I know when a certain statement is a lie. The next thing I try to do is ask why I was told a lie and try to figure out what the desire is behind it.

Maybe that's one way to proceed with mac? I guess here the desire is obvious--not to do homework.

Hmm. If the school is not leveling any consequences then I can kinda see the therapist's point. What does the therapist think about letting mac know you know it's a lie?

There has been no consequence thus far for him not doing the homework, basically because the people at the program are afraid he will flip out like a mammal.

I know there are a lot of issues here, but I have to say I agree with you on being in *disagreement* with his therapist. I can't imagine how this isn't reinforcing exactly the wrong way to get what you want.

My approach might be to say, "You wanted this program, but you're not holding up your end of the bargain," and take some privilege away if he continues not to do the homework and/or lie about it. But I don't know what the consequences of that approach would be for *you*, so.

mac has no longerterm view of life (not that many 8 year olds do), so getting bad grades does not bother him one whit, well except that it does on some level and it reinfirces his baseline self-view that he is a no good very bad kid. So aside from being a parent that thinks he should work tokeep grades up because learning is important, I also know that it is important to his emotional stability we are working so hard to maintain and strengthen.

I guess I will just acknowledge that I know he is making a choice to not do it, will let the teacher know that I am aware of it and let her decide if she wants to have any consequences, and also let him know that come the fall homework will become a requirement that reflects on real-school grades.

That sounds fair.

the consequences of that approach would be for *you*

I think this is also part of the therapist's reasoning. She refers to the fact that I am still recovering from being traumatized (her term) in mid-June. She's not wrong and I basically stay at a place of mid to high alert should he spin out-of-control at any moment.

Bangs or no bangs

Bangs for me for sure. Everyone else, like Jesse, should decide what is best for their own foreheads.

Johnny Legend or Usher

I'd say Usher but I don't really have an opinion. What's a Johnny Legend?

Roller Derby: flat track or banked

No question. Flat track all the way!

Gibson or Fender

About these I have no opinion.

I guess I will just acknowledge that I know he is making a choice to not do it, will let the teacher know that I am aware of it and let her decide if she wants to have any consequences, and also let him know that come the fall homework will become a requirement that reflects on real-school grades.

This seems pretty wise to me.

Given that it doesn't sound like the homework actually matters in any way, it does sound like borrowing trouble to make a big deal out of it. Pick your battles, wait it out, see what happens at real school in the fall. I can see the reasoning.

That makes sense to me msbelle. Let the teacher work out the consequences within the classroom, and that frees up you to focus on helping mac to find better ways of communicating his needs to you.

I agree. And I think Mac knows the difference between Summer and "real" school and that the homework rules are different.