2008 started and ended with funerals and death. A member of my extended family overdosed on New Years Eve 2007 and died at the age of 25. 2008 began with watching that grief and anguish.

My uncle died last week on December 30 and I find myself in the same place, but closer to the center. 30 years ago today, Uncle Larry got in a horrific car accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down. He fought back from that, and fought so much more. This was so sudden he didn't have the opportunity to gird himself for the battle, and he lost.

In between, things were pretty quiet, for the most part. The widow of our beloved friend (who died in November 2007) passed away in February, and that was the funeral that I couldn't go to. I had a valid excuse, but the bottom line was that I just didn't have the mental and emotional reserves to go.

Tom lost his job in August, which led to no small amount of anxiety, but which ultimately led to a change he's needed for quite some time now. Also in the "Win" column for 2008 was the acquisition of the newest and totally beloved member of our family, Taz the Cat. He is awesome. In July, we also had a wonderful vacation up in Maine that was everything a vacation should be.

2009 should bring change, and I'm hoping it will be for the better. The plan is to finish up my degree this spring and find a new and more challenging position. Tom and I are hoping to celebrate 5 years of marriage in the fall by visiting San Francisco and Northern CA. My sister will have her 3rd child in June. Whatever is unforeseen, I hope I will be ready for it.

I feel a bit bad saying this (or at least insensitive) but 2008 was a pretty good year for me.

The Good:

• Well, tops on the list was Frisco's birth. Well, actually getting to meet Frisco, find out what a total cutie he is (he spent a good 5 minutes this morning pretending to fall on me and then catching himself at which point I would say "oh no" and he would laugh his little head off), and fall in love with this little person that was given to me. But actually giving birth to Frisco was pretty damn cool as well and hugly empowering and satisfying.

• I got a chance to spend a lot of time with family this year. The highlight there was the 10 day road trip with my kid and my parents (Joe was working) through New Mexico, the edge of Colorado, Utah, and Arizona. I got to see some awesome parts of this country - amazing rock formations and gorgeous scenery for miles.

• Despite the normal, new baby induced relationship frustrations, I feel good that Joe and I are united in our struggles in life as opposed to fighting each other. It has been a bit hard for him adjusting to two, I think, but mostly we have worked through it.

• I quit my job for USCIS when Frisco was born and that was great. Because Joe's job is so totally stable (a real blessing in this economy) I've been able to take what is essentially a very low paid apprenticeship. I don't always enjoy it but I'm learning a lot and eventually, when we are living in one place long term, I should be able to take what I'm learning and turn it into a real career.

• In the same vein, my professional triumph this year was getting two people out of jail on Christmas Eve. It wasn't exactly real intellectual lawyering, but it was a lot of hard work and wouldn't have happened if not for me and that felt good.

The Bad

• Well, not much. Joe has had some real work troubles this year and that has been hard to watch. He works so hard and the bad stuff is really beyond his control, but as the boss, he is responsible. It's hard watching the one you love take responsibility for stuff beyond his control.

• I miss the Buffistas. Not having a steady office job has meant that I'm not at the computer as much as I'd like to be.

• I had professional pictures taken of Frisco by

hey, my post didn't continue :( bummer

I think I said something like:

• the pictures were taken by this woman back in March. I paid her in September and then she stopped returning my phone calls/emails. It was heartbreaking because they were beautiful pictures. I'm working on a small claim against her but it's hard because I have to do it in Minnesota and I'm here in PR. I just want my pictures.

So, that's my year. Overall, everyone I love is alive, healthy, and employed so I feel blessed. We should have orders for our next move in the next few weeks. I have no idea where we are going. Many things have been put forth, but so far nothing is final or even close to final. I just hope that where ever we are, there will be some Buffistae there.

Lovely to read, Stephanie. It is a pleasure to celebrate the good things happening in Buffista lives. We want the pictures too! I have enjoyed the happy family pictures that you have posted in the past year. Brings a smile every time.

For me, 2008 has been *a year*. I can't even really categorize all that has happened into good/bad.

• Got a new job within my company which included a move to Denver in the summer.

• Told DH that I wanted a divorce.

• DH decided he would move to Colorado also to stay near his son.

• Went on a massive cleaning spree, prepping the house to go up for sale and prepping for a move to Denver.

• House went on the market in May.

• K-Bug and I looked at a few colleges and she chose Sonoma State.

• Living in the same house but separate from STBX was much easier than expected. We continue to be amicable, though when I spend much time with him now, it underlines why the break was so necessary and long overdue.

• K-Bug graduated from High School.

• June 30th was the official move date, CJ and I flew to Colorado while mom drove with a friend of hers. K-Bug flew out later after a Senior Trip to Disneyland.

• CJ started Karate and after a couple of months got me to join also. We are both Orange belts now.

• CJ started a new school and ADHD meds. He had done fantastic so far, academically, though he is still struggling with making good friends.

• K-Bug returned the California and started College on her own. She earned great grades her first semester and has gotten very involved in the Residential Life leadership group and hopes to be a CSA (like a Resident Assistant) next year.

• Adjusting to my new job has involved a steep learning curve, but I am loving the work and the people so much better than my old job.

• We dropped the price on the house several times.

• Mom has handled the move pretty well and her health has held pretty steady. She seems to enjoy the new location, though some days are rougher than others.

• I left my van with K-Bug, so have been sharing a car with my mom. Never thought I'd be ok with not having my own wheels, but it has worked out fine so far.

• My first review for my new job was extremely complimentary. Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, the accompanying raise was not so fantastic - but I have a job I enjoy, so that is worth a ton.

• Finally got a workable offer on the house, just before Christmas only to run into some major bumps the day before New Years. Still waiting to see how that plays out.

Basically my life flipped upside down. I feel like I'm still missing some of the milestones, there has just been so much. I feel like I'm in a much better place mentally though, financially, not quite so much.

Here is to 2009 bringing closure to those outstanding issues - the house, the divorce, the financial mess... Maybe that is too much to hope for, but sometimes you have to wish big.

We want the pictures too!

well, if you want to see a picture she took of Ellie, it is here: [link]

(I know she has the right to use the picture of Ellie, but it's just a bit...galling...that she would use a picture of my daughter but not send me the pictures I've paid her for.)

eta: context

I feel a bit bad saying this (or at least insensitive) but 2008 was a pretty good year for me.

Hey! Nobody's got to apologize for good stuff. Frisco's arrival is very very good news indeed.

The two most disappointing elements of 2008 for me were related to finances and writing. Whereas 2007 was my best year for publishing ever, with the book turned in, two articles for Oxford American and a new book project in the works.

In 2008, the book came out (to favorable reviews, though I've gotten a few dings) and I promoted it, but that was really the tail end of a two year process. My new book project fell apart when the publisher had financial difficulties. I did do a big, lucrative liner notes job back in February but that seems like a million years ago.

I had a ton of fun doing my book reading in SF, and even more fun doing the Tom Waits bus tour and reading in LA (with many Buffistas to see down there).

But ultimately what seemed possible in 2007 - being able to write part-time and temp the rest of the time - didn't work. I had the longest drought in temp work I've ever had, and my book project died. That lead to some real financial strain.

I'll let JZ ring in for her own year, but she had two job changes this year after 15 years of stability so that was a lot of upheaval. But we've been collaborating this year on a writing project and that's been both a real pleasure and a happy new dynamic in our (almost) five year marriage.

We all feel extraordinarily lucky to have Matilda in our lives. Toddlers are hard work, but she's really a joy giving kid.

Emmett's had both a great year and a tough one. He had about as much success as an 11 y.o. can have on a baseball field. Our regular season team, the Cubs, won the Albany Little League title and went on to become the first Majors level team from our league to win the District Tournament of Champions. (All the sweeter for beating our arch-rivals Alameda.)

Then Emmett's all-star team defended their District title, went on to win Section, and finally became the first Albany team ever to win Division, which is the Northern California State Championship. Emmett was an absolute rock for his team, playing stellar catcher for 69 out the 72 innings played, and had many huge, clutch hits, including the game winner in the come from behind Section championship win.

But it's been a tough year at school. He's been wrestling with some pre-adolescnent angst, missing socializing with his friends, retreating a bit socially, unhappy with his homework load and has a difficult relationship with his teacher. He's just been sad a lot this fall and winter and it's hard to see. But in some ways our relationship is closer for all that. Putting him to bed at night, has evolved from singing lullabies to him as I walked him up and down the hallway, to sitting on his bed and talking to him about life and school and getting through the sad times.

Also, in the last week I've been reading to him before bedtime. We're currently on a really filthy, funny baseball book and that's been fun. He also had a really, really good Christmas.

I've had a lot of close friends deal with major, life-threatening health issues in the last year. Emmett's godmother dealt with breast cancer. My best man has polycystic kidney disease and is getting a transplant this week. So I am more conscious than ever that good health is the greatest good fortune. I don't take it for granted.

Ultimately, I feel very lucky - even after the crappiest, rainiest commute - when I turn the lock on the door and hear Matilda pipe out, "Hi-lo, DaddyEmmett!" and have her little self pelt into us. Then walk down the hall to a warm living room and kiss my good, kind, lovely wife. There are other things we could want or wish for, but this life is so rooted and good.

I'm still not quite ready to talk about 2008. Or really, I'm as ready as I'll ever be, but I don't have time right now as I have a very full day ahead of me.

For now I'll say that I'm somewhere between Drew and Kristin -- there were quite a few non-bad things that happened to me this year, but everything else that happened to me and those I love has been agonizing. So much so that I cannot so easily say this was not a bad year for me.

So much so that I cannot so easily say this was not a bad year for me.

Here, let me say it for you. Your year sucked donkey balls.

Um, was that unduly harsh? I meant it as funny-stuffy. Like, you know, Wesley on Buffy, before he was cool on Angel. Sorry.

Oh, no! I wasn't wowing your comments, so much as the whole conversation, which just epitomizes Buffistas (or Buffistae, as the case may be).