I'm mainly wondering how much time between Dean showing up at Lisa's and Sam appearing outside.

doesn't exist in any universe.

I think it exists, potentially (and probably), in his head. The guilt that you'd feel for loving your first and lost child best, for always feeling that the other is the substitute.

From Dean's voice and body language I was thinking it hadn't been all that long before he went to Lisa's from Bobby's. But with Cas healing Dean, we don't have any way of knowing how much time it was between Dean showing up at Lisa's to the final scene. Looking through that window it could have been the next day or six months. I'm assuming we find that out within the first few minutes of season six.

The guilt that you'd feel for loving your first and lost child best, for always feeling that the other is the substitute.

I can see him feeling guilt because--Dean. But guilt goes with parenthood and doesn't make him a shitty dad. I can see Dean making parental mistakes sure, but not anything that qualifies as shitty. That's not Dean. He's not mean or neglectful of kids.

Thank you for linking to the fluffy marshmallow bunny coda. I needed that.

I think it exists, potentially (and probably), in his head. The guilt that you'd feel for loving your first and lost child best, for always feeling that the other is the substitute.

Oh yeah.

I even think he might be able to love Lisa genuinely *if* Sam were alive somewhere and happy, if they were going to have the occasional road trip/hunt. World-without-Sam, though, is a big lonely nothing for Dean.

I do think Dean showed up at Lisa's within a few days, probably just however long it took to drive from Bobby's. What else is he going to do? Too much alone time in motel rooms without Sam, or Cas, and you've got a Dean who's back to drinking even more and writing suicide notes again. To keep that promise at all, he probably knew he had to get there pretty quick.

I liked the marshmallow coda.

I think it exists, potentially (and probably), in his head. The guilt that you'd feel for loving your first and lost child best, for always feeling that the other is the substitute.

I can see him feeling guilt because--Dean. But guilt goes with parenthood and doesn't make him a shitty dad. I can see Dean making parental mistakes sure, but not anything that qualifies as shitty. That's not Dean. He's not mean or neglectful of kids.

Doesn't make him a shitty dad to YOU. But I think inside Dean's head there? Oh yeah.

Dean would trade that forced faux family in a heartbeat to have Sam back, I think. He knows this. I think admitting that to yourself would make you consider yourself a shitty dad. At least in that moment.

Huh, clearly I am into the bleak right now. Or that was just good writing.

I'm still processing the finale, and am in that weird state of being very much in love with certain parts, while still not sure what I think about others.

What I loved: Everything to do with the boys and with Bobby. Dean's horror when Bobby was killed was spot on, and a very different sort of horror than the also-perfect reaction when he realized Sam had lost to Lucifer. Bobby's despair after Sam was lost. Sam's asking Dean not to look as he drank the blood. Dean driving up into the cemetery. The backstory of the boys and their non-hunting trips.

In terms of what the ep brought regarding Sam and Dean, I am satisfied. Yes, there are some very open ends, but there is also a season six. I will be gnawing anxiously at some of those open ends (possibly committing fic to ease the anxiety), but am content to wait and see on others.

What I'm still dubious about: Much of the actual apocalyptic storyline. I'm glad the boys got more attention in the story, but there are some gaps in what happened that feel (to me) less like loose ends that will be wrapped up and more like "just move along folks, gotta keep the narrative going." The biggest issue I have is that I really didn't give a rat's ass about Michael. Even in his brief appearance, I thought Raphael had more depth of character than what they gave Michael. Lucifer and Gabriel were, of course, glorious and memorable. I didn't get a sense of who Michael was other than someone who took his filial duty to an assholish extreme. Zachariah was a much more interesting foil.

None of the codas are hitting the right button for me, but I think I need more time to let it all sink in. I usually need some time to figure out for myself where I think it will go, and where I want to go, first.

None of the codas are hitting the right button for me, but I think I need more time to let it all sink in.

I am very deliberately not reading any coda fic right now. I still need to process, and I think most 'fixit' fic would annoy me to no end.