this whole episode broke my heart.

Those are Sam's strongest memories right this minute and not one of them includes Dean.

And some of them are memories that were actually very painful for Dean so it's even a deeper cut.

They both slapped each other this episode. Sam's wasn't intentional though. If my head is spinning, I think Dean should be given a few moments pass on being pissy. I knew Mary wasn't really Mary and yet that was still too painful to watch her being so mean. Dean is pissed about a lot of things. I think the amulet was tainted by the God in Dean's eyes.

I don't think Dean is being "pissy" at all. He's despairing. And Joshua called him on it -- he's losing faith in everything, himself and Sam included.

No, he never thought it was a magical amulet, it was purely sentimental. But he just came out of a heaven that drove home just how false some of his memories were, and he even admitted it. He said to Sam that John and Mary's marriage was only perfect after she died, and I don't think he'd have let himself admit that aloud before now.

It's hardly him being petulant. He's broken, again, some more, and he's symbolically letting go of memories that he knows he embellished just to soothe himself.

Those are Sam's strongest memories right this minute and not one of them includes Dean.

It started with a Sam and Dean memory, though. And Dean had a memory that didn't include Sam. Dean really, really has issues with not letting Sam "establish an independent identity" or whatever the psychologists would call it. If Sam had stayed home and not gone to college, Dean probably would have smothered him. He would have done it with love every step of the way, but he would have suffocated him.

Wow, that was unremittingly painful.

I think Dean is blind right now, and can't see that Sam cares, and that's why he threw the amulet away. It's not just Sam, but it's definitely got Sam in it. He's isolated--from Sam, from everyone. He caved and prayed, and God rejected him. His idyllic home memories weren't that. Castiel's probably off beginning his fall and is of no use to anyone. Bobby has been gotten to by Lucifer.

Michael's the closest to anything he's got right now. I think he's gonna be saying yes, and it may not have anything to do with Sam saying yes to Lucifer. He will probably think he's the only one that can fix it and that no one else can help, because he doesn't trust them anymore--but he'll still feel responsible for them.

He didn't hear when Ash said that soulmates find each other in heaven, as he and Sam sat there. He didn't see Sam wince with every blow Zach's henchman dealt him. His very first heavenly memory was of being hugged by Sam.

I know there are meta reasons, but it's still narratively interesting that John doesn't figure directly into their heavens.

It started with a Sam and Dean memory in Dean's head. Sam started with the kindness of strangers.

I am not saying Sam is wrong to have gone out on his own (for college--not when he ran away from home), but neither is Dean for being hurt that Sam's heavenly memories were of someone else's Thanksgiving (taste of normal), hanging out on his own with a dog having run off, and leaving for Stanford (in what we already knew was a blow out fight between Sam and John).

So Dean dropping the amulet, it's not about Sam going off to college, really. It's about all of it. Not even Sam, but Sam and Pamela and Ellen and Jo and Mom and God and the cumulative loss of people and loss of faith in the mission and self and relationships.

Sam... is not that kid who ran away from his brother and holed up with a dog, not any longer. And we, the audience know that. Sam knows that (HIS LITTLE FACE, OMG! SO MUCH PAIN THERE WHEN IT DROPPED!), but Dean? Doesn't. Or doesn't trust that he does.

OH MY GOD

This was so much MAN PAIN

Loved the ep, a lot, but DAMN

EVERY SINGLE CODA FIC better involve Sam fishing that amulet out of the trash.

I think Sam learnt a lot more than Dean did. Dean became aware of some facts he hadn't previously known of, but he took everything personally right away. Sam learnt stuff about Dean, and about his family. Hopefully it's enough, because I'm not sure where Dean's epiphany is going to come from.

And...Castiel! He believed God was in this, just like Sam believed angels were good. Oh, Gabriel must be laughing at him now.

Poor heartbroken Cas. And, really, Dean's the only person who can stop him from becoming End!Cas, and I'm not sure that's his priority right now. Or maybe what he said about Sam being his friend will count for something. But Sam didn't see how far Cas had sunk.

EVERY SINGLE CODA FIC better involve Sam fishing that amulet out of the trash.

I keep remembering how Sam wore it while Dean was in hell, and how he pulled it over his head to give it back to him right away, as soon as Dean came back. Dean valued that amulet, dammit, and I want him to keep it.

Poor heartbroken Cas.

I think Castiel might be the most broken member of Team Free Will right now. Sam and Dean can turn to each other, even if they're not doing so right now, but Castiel really doesn't have anyone at all. He doesn't have his faith any longer. He's just totally adrift.

Also a lot of scene insert fic about Sam's stolen 2 weeks and the beating (no doubt) that Dean got at John's hand about it. And what did Mary and John fight about? Family business?

Castiel could have Dean. He fell for Dean. He's been his other pillar of faith. But Dean's just one man, a mayfly compared his existence. But he's an apocalyptical mayfly.