Sara's home (snow day) and she walked in while they were doing rock paper scissors, and burst out laughing. "Oh my goodness, they're like BABY CHILDREN hunting demons!"

Snerk.

And the question of whether I'll still cry on the, I don't know, dozenth viewing? Answered.

I work fewer hours on a Friday, so I decided to stay home and catch Sammy's misery (and magnificence--JP, keep eating what you're eating!) in full.

I LOVE THIS EPISODE. I never really liked Emmanuelle Vaugier on CSI: NY, but I totally dig her here. I'm still not a Sam!Girl, but I love watching him fall for her. It's so sweet.

And the ending just tears me up. When Dean gets all big bro and takes the gun, and then Sam cries and then Dean cries it's pure button-pushing. I also love every time they have Sam cry so messily and Dean cry so prettily. Amuses the hell out of me.

From rewatching Sam, Interrupted last night I was even more struck with Dean's isolation. I'd glossed over the first time how he paints the job of saving the world as a one-man gig. He's still totally co-dependent on little bro and doesn't appreciate being separated from him, but even while they work together he has assumed the job of fixing things all to himself.

Sam must know that Dean's drinking himself to sleep for what little sleep he gets. I would like to know how he's handling that. Part of me wonders if he cares, and I don't mean that in a bad way. Just that Sam needs Dean right now--and in ways Dean can't give, because Dean's trying to give everything to saving everyone, not just Sam (but especially Sam). And I don't think he has anything left over to fix Sam, not healthily.

And the ending just tears me up. When Dean gets all big bro and takes the gun, and then Sam cries and then Dean cries it's pure button-pushing.

This. Dean so wants all the normal stuff for his little brother -- get the girl, have some fun, have a drink. Knowing Sam is determined to do this himself is just as hard for him as it is for Sam. It looked like Dean thought a particular part of Sam's innocence was gone in that moment.

From rewatching Sam, Interrupted last night I was even more struck with Dean's isolation.

Dean is never really going to accept that this isn't all his responsibility. He's the big brother, he's supposed to fix everything. And what struck me in that very last scene was the look on Sam's face -- JP totally sold that Sam knows just how deeply broken Dean is, that he *can't* let go and let anything out and expect to function. And as much as he needs to talk, he's the more mature one here, because he's letting Dean hang on to his allusions and his coping mechanisms.

Sam must know that Dean's drinking himself to sleep for what little sleep he gets. I would like to know how he's handling that. Part of me wonders if he cares, and I don't mean that in a bad way.

I think he's probably accepted that whatever gets each of them through the night at this point has to be okay.

Dean is never really going to accept that this isn't all his responsibility.

I wonder if the fans that were mad at Dean for continually blaming Sam for opening the final seal have shifted their POV? Because although they were playing an angle, the speech to the Dr. at the start of Sam, Interrupted? I totally bought.

Still, Dean would probably still think it was his job to clean up even if he hadn't opened the first seal--the time for sheltering Sam is past, but Dean hasn't changed all that much from seeing himself as the sacrificial little soldier with little inherent value (how can you be the designated saviour of the world and have no self-esteem? Ask Dean).

Sam knows just how deeply broken Dean is, that he *can't* let go and let anything out and expect to function

Yeah, I'm glad we got to see that it was clear in-story that Dean was wrongwrongwrong, and that Sam knew it.

I know Sam screaming for Dean at the end of MBV was a weak point for him, coming after him having been very strong, but it just underscored for me how much Sam needs Dean. Dean needs Sam to be alive, but Sam needs Dean...this sentence is not working.

Given==they both need each other. But Dean needs Sam to be alive for Sam's sake more, and Sam needs Dean alive for Sam's sake too. Or at least as far as either of them will ever admit it, and it's clear that Dean's not admitty boy.

I know Sam screaming for Dean at the end of MBV was a weak point for him, coming after him having been very strong, but it just underscored for me how much Sam needs Dean. Dean needs Sam to be alive, but Sam needs Dean...this sentence is not working.

Sam screaming for Dean breaks me every time.

I think Sam needs Dean in ways that are different from Dean needing Sam, yes. I don't think Dean ever lets himself really think about how much he needs Sam for his own emotional well-being. Like you said, he needs Sam *to be alive* for Sam's sake, but ... it's really for Dean, too, because it means he's done the only job he thinks he's really meant to do.

Their relationship is so gloriously twisted and dysfunctional and yet really touching, it's endlessly fascinating to me.

it means he's done the only job he thinks he's really meant to do

That's exactly it. The fact that he wants Sam next to him is less important than the fact that he's been charged with Sam's life since he was 4.

it's endlessly fascinating to me.

I can't get enough of it. Best sibling dynamic ever, that I wouldn't actually want to have.

And not for nothing, I love that we not only got to see lots of mostly naked JP in this episode (biting! hand cradling head! mrph), but we got to see Sam being so ... hungry. All the pent-up desire and need for physical affection that he couldn't quite face with Sarah comes out here with Madison, and he just throws himself into it. It puts a different face on just how much he loved Jess, I think -- how committed and passionate he can be.

Plus, you know, and it bears repeating, naked Sammy.

Amy's gonna make me pull out my DVD's since I didn't watch this morning. Bad Suzi, bad.

My work here is done.