No, I agree with you. He was certainly molded by John. But he himself was more than heavy-handed with Sam, from what we know of the pre-Stanford years. It wasn't just John laying down the "Winchesters must be hunters" law. And all during the run of the show whenever Sam mentioned anything other than the hunting life, or whenever Dean referenced it, it was mocked mercilessly. Now people change with time and perspective and experience, and I think that's what's happened here.

now perhaps he has a more visceral understanding of what it was like for Sam all those years.

I don't disagree at the contrast, but I think here is the difference of "all those years" and "in less than one day". And again that strikes too much of a pissing contest of whose pain was worse. And i think that it's all pain, and it's all unfairness, and that one experienced it before the other doesn't cancel out the latter's, or is better or worse or more significant than.

And I think there is also an element of these characters not being in any state to think "hey, my bro has been here before, I can relate now all of a sudden" because life is not an analytical dissection, but an experience of what is the most recent and fresh. And that applies both to "I've been in Hell" and "Stop telling me how to live my life".

I don't see much of a parallel between Dean pulling Sam in and Sam pulling Dean in, if they're going for one. First, they're going to have to show me that Dean values and cherishes normal over everything. So far, he's living up to a responsibility--started off to Sam, now to Lisa and Ben. He might be enjoying parts of it, but we've been shown precious little of that so far.

Sam was happy with Jess, and desperate to get there on his own. He was lying, but I think he'd made pretty much total peace with that lie.

And, honestly, if Sam pulls Dean out of happiness, I'll be pissed.

I think more than a "better or worse or more significant than" situation this might be intended as yet another callback to the Pilot/season one. I was amusing myself this weekend by listing all the callbacks I could pull from the episode, and they really loaded it down with shoutouts to the beginning of the series. The whole 'I'm normal and that makes me an outsider/everyone else is trying to make me change' was there at the beginning, it's just that it was aimed at Sam then.

Speaking of parallels, Dean closing curtains just about slayed me. I hated The Magnificent Seven, but that's what that means to me.

I nearly gasped at that shot, ita. I don't know if it's forboding, or just recognition, but the impression was strong.

We are so conditioned with the little stuff. We've been set up like the dogs of Pavlov.

I'm watching Colin Ford on Hawaii Five-O and having double pain. First--woobie! Fight back! And then no! He's getting too big to be wee Sam!

Colin was a little awesome dude on Hawaii 5-0, but I was thinking the same about losing him to age.

Now that we've mentioned callbacks I need to rewatch. There was specifically some dialogue that I was going to point out here, but now I'll have to find it again.

Off! To the DVR!

My other half just wondered if Sam is an angel. That can't be, right?! I'm all ... DUDE. No!?!

Oh no. That would suck. Let's cross our fingers.

Each viewing I am happier that they didn't try and shove love at us. Even in the montage, snuggling in bed, it's more comfort and friendship. Dean can build on that.

eta: Okay, Superwiki is really da bomb, ya know? It wasn't the pilot episode. In 6.01, the female djinn says, "this is for our dad, you son of a bitch" and Dean said in AHBL part2, "that was for our mom, you son of a bitch". Anyway, it jingled enough that I knew it was familiar.