Ooh. I wish I'd seen whatever that was Beverly. I like the way you rmind works.

Plus, you give good advice. It's always good to encourage people to be the adults you want them (and they want) to be.

Edited: You know what? The rest was far more about me than you--let me just say, ((((you))))

No, I think there are definitely some similarities, and you know at least some of what I'm going through.

As time goes on, you can distance yourself more while encouraging her to turn to herself and other avenues for strength and support.

I don't know, I think that the problem is that she's decided that I'm the one that she wants to be her rock. She says things like "you're the only one I can talk to". We were not close before my dad died, we have very little in common that isn't family related. Personality wise, we are almost complete opposites )except for common traits like stubborness :) ). If we weren't family, we'd be acquaintances. But now, she says she only wants to spend time with me. Her feelings/needs have changed, but mine haven't.

It sounds shitty, but part of me thinks that it's unfair that she's dumping all of this on me when there are plenty of other people that she can rely on (like, my brother or her best friend). I've been pretty accommodating, especially with shit like her not getting her driver's license, but expecting me to conform my schedule around her transportation needs.

She's also emotionally manipulative. She says things like "I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way that you treat me". She has not learned (after many years) that is the worst way to get a response from me, because it pisses me off when people try to manipulate me and I shut down.

ION, I was told in THREE separate official emails that nobody in my division will be getting a raise this year and we should be thankful that at least we're not going out of business entirely. OH YAY.

Hey, look at the bright side. If deflation's deep enough, it could feel like a raise.

I'm assuming I'm in the same boat. My company's announced they intend to cut the workforce by 20%. (And they're actually in fairly decent shape for a financial services firm.) I don't expect a raise this year, I'll be happy just to keep my job.

part of me thinks that it's unfair that she's dumping all of this on me

It is unfair.

It seems incredibly unfair to me, and those types of manipulative comments are even worse. I'm sorry you're facing this with her.

---

Laga, did you have a happy birthday yesterday?

Date seemed to go ok. Still not sure if it was a date-date, or just two friends getting together-date. But I am still smitten. The hard part will be, one of her cats sounds super ill, and doesn't sound like she wants to leave her place much. So how to push to do stuff, without sounding cold and uncaring for the cat.

ION, I think I finally found a bowling alley!!

I'm still tattoo shopping, and this one is pretty freaking awesome: [link]

So how to push to do stuff, without sounding cold and uncaring for the cat.

You tap the Buffista hivemind for sick cat tips, then call her and say "I mentioned to a friend that your cat wasn't well, and he suggested ______ I can bring some over and we could watch a movie, if you like."

It sounds shitty, but part of me thinks that it's unfair that she's dumping all of this on me when there are plenty of other people that she can rely on (like, my brother or her best friend).

That's not shitty at all. It seems completely realistic.

I wonder why her focus has shifted to you, rather than your brother and her friend.

I know it is hard, but I can't see tolerating comments like, "I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way that you treat me" without saying (in my head only, of course) Great! I'll introduce you to MY worst enemy. You might just get along.

Emotional manipulation is so unfair and never seems to be resolved by going along with it.

My response when she makes statements like that is "okay".

What I want to say is "Really? Well, I wouldn't put up with this crap from anyone but my mother, so I guess we're even"

She said once "do you treat your friends the way you treat me?" I did not respond "my friends don't act the way that you do, and if they did, I would treat them much worse than you claim that I'm treating you."