ION, I was told in THREE separate official emails that nobody in my division will be getting a raise this year and we should be thankful that at least we're not going out of business entirely. OH YAY.

"Management would further like to stress that back in Management's day Management had to walk uphill both ways to school in sixteen feet of snow with no boots and fend off starved and crazed grizzly bears with a spiral notebook that was missing the spiral.

Management understands that this news (re: lack of a raise) is disappointing to some. To stress that this is actually a positive step in comparison to other outcomes in this difficult economic climate, Management is instituting a 'You Think *This* Is Rough?!' program, wherein management will come to each individual employee's work area, kick the employee in the crotch, point and laugh the required two (2) 'Ha's and then spit on the employee's neck.

Please consult the attached schedule and be prepared for your visit by Management.

Here's looking forward to a better 2nd quarter!

Human Resources."

God bless all the happy in love people. Enjoy the bright and bubbly while it lasts, there's not enough silly joy in the world.

Apparently a cruise liner and a freighter got caught in the ice on the St. Laurence River, and then the Coast Guard ice ship got caught as well. Who goes crusing on Mid-American waters when the Arctic Express is running? I know the song "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," I know the middle part of the continent freezes solid in winter. I am not one who would say, "I know! Let's go boating in January in the Great Lakes Region! Remember to pack the dog teams!"

To stress that this is actually a positive step in comparison to other outcomes in this difficult economic climate, Management is instituting a 'You Think *This* Is Rough?!' program, wherein management will come to each individual employee's work area, kick the employee in the crotch, point and laugh the required two (2) 'Ha's and then spit on the employee's neck.

They'd just better not take away our Friday bagels. There will be riots.

Management would also like to remind you that, while your bid to defeat our puppet presidential candidate was successful, if your puppet president tries to tax us, or take our money in any way, we will cease employing anyone anywhere, fire everyone in this country, and give your jobs to penguins in Antarctica.

In fact, we may do this anyway, unless he continues to give us money by the truckload. Tax money. Your money. So please continue to pay us for the privelege of having a job, or we'll take everyone's job away. And we may do that anyway.

...

...or did that get a little off topic?

Also, the pizza we ordered for lunch has not arrived yet. I hereby declare today to be REALLY REALLY SUCKY.

See, now that's SNOW! We've got like a dusting so far, and everything's closed. It's insanity.

And there's a snow ban in Salem. Which they probably won't call off until tomorrow morning (and have it end somewhere around 9 am which is useless for anyone who works normal office hours)

Management would also like to remind you that, while your bid to defeat our puppet presidential candidate was successful, if your puppet president tries to tax us, or take our money in any way, we will cease employing anyone anywhere, fire everyone in this country, and give your jobs to penguins in Antarctica.

Management would further like to remind you that your job can be replaced by a retarded monkey and a button that doesn't work.

Please remember to sign up for the company Potluck on Friday!

And there's a snow ban in Salem.

How can they ban snow there??!!

One of our fave furniture stores (Pampa) is having a 50% off entire store sale. We went in on Saturday and looked around and measured some stuff. Last night we went back and bought a beautiful round dining table with 4 chairs (wood and leather), two barstools, and a small bookcase for our bedroom. All solid wood, made on-site. We spent $2100. Awesome! It should be ready to be delivered in 2-3 weeks. So excited!

Ooooh, shiny nice new furniture, GC. I am envious.

I am not, however, envious of various snow-emergency communications shinanigans. Truly of teh suck, Teppy. Be warm and safe.

Vortex, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time figuring out what your mother wants and/or needs from you. Be kind to yourself.