Ooooh, shiny nice new furniture, GC. I am envious.

I am not, however, envious of various snow-emergency communications shinanigans. Truly of teh suck, Teppy. Be warm and safe.

Vortex, I'm sorry you are having such a tough time figuring out what your mother wants and/or needs from you. Be kind to yourself.

I can haz sister.

Shines

Yay, Shir!

sorry, I bitched and ran to a meeting

Vortex, it sounds more to me like your mom just wants company. It's not that she expects you to do things for her, but to be there with her. Maybe you could set up a regularly scheduled parental date night? That way she knows she's got your undivided attention at least on those days?

That's hard. I've got such a crazy schedule that I can't commit to things consistently because there are other things I can't change (like the theatre that i'm working 20 hours a week at because we've extended a show). I try to call at least every other day, if not every day. Honestly, I'm tired and being with my mother is exhausting.

Vortex, it sounds to me that your mom is lonely and probably at least a little depressed. There may be nothing that you can do to truly please her at this point, but it might help if you call and make plans to see her before she calls you. It could make her feel more wanted than when she calls you. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation.

yeah, there is that. The problem is that she only wants things on her terms. She got upset with me when I said "I'm going to be in your neck of the woods, so why don't we hang out" because "you're only suggesting that we spend time together because you're already going to be here. I'm only an afterthought" It's sort of a no win situation.

She was upset about the way I handled the situation, but I don't know what I could have done to make her happy. When I asked, she didn't really give me an answer other than I wanted you to know what I wanted.

{{{Vortex}}} It sounds like she is just filtering everything as an insult. I'm sorry. Next time just say, Do you want to get together on such and such a day without adding any details that she can make something of. I have much empathy. TCG's mom is currently playing her game of not returning his phone calls and then e-mailing him to let him know that she is upset that they haven't talked since Christmas.

My clients often struggle with the 'insult filter' and with folks like TCG's mom denying themselves what they say they want.

It appears self-defeating to say "I want connection" and then reject connection or demand connection under unreasonable constraints.

But that is just they way some folks function. Niether good nor bad, just a choice.

It's sad that some emotional wells just won't ever get filled, but it makes me even sadder when other people get pulled down into the morass.

God bless all the happy in love people. Enjoy the bright and bubbly while it lasts, there's not enough silly joy in the world.

This. So much this. Gris, please know that didn't intend to be a lecture, though it sounded like one. If anything, I was lecturing my 23-year-old self and my 24-year-old DexH. Too bad that time portal isn't working properly. It sounds like the two of you have gone into this with a lot of thought and planning, and it's none of my business even if you hadn't. As I said, I wish you every happiness.

Vortex, what a difficult situation. I wish I had an easy answer, but it does sound like she's hearing everything through a filter right now and is so unhappy that nothing you could do would be the "right" thing to do. I'm very sorry you're facing the dual pain of missing your father and not being able to help your mother.

Shir, that's great!

Omnis, good luck on your date!

ETA: Also, yes, Jessica, that was exactly the song I meant. Oops.

Didn't need to be said twice.

Yay, Shir! And Yay! Sister of Shir!

Yay, Shir!