Unsolicited advice, ho:

Who are you calling "ho"? [Kidding!]

Try not to use language like 'I can't let go of it.' Even while you believe it is true. No point in concretizing sometthing by repeating it.

Oh, busted! You're totally right.

I'm not advocating the any airy fairy, just squeeze your eyes tight enough and wish hard enough garbage. I'm talking about the science of brainwashing. Quite practical really. We learn through repetition.

Excellent point. Thank you!

I've been accused of being cold-blooded in the face of bad things, but my reaction is based on the few seconds of "Well, that utterly sucks. Let's see what we need to do." I want to have screaming hysterics, but they're not practical.

What I loved in the movie Serenity (because I wasn't crazy about it) was when Zoe was understandably flipping out after Wash was killed, and she pulls it together to kick ass. I guess what I mean is, I loved watching the transformation -- you can see it all go across her face in about 10 seconds -- to get the job done in the face of utter loss and despair. Cold-blooded? Not at all. Asses have to be kicked or more people will die.

I've been accused of being cold-blooded in the face of bad things, but my reaction is based on the few seconds of "Well, that utterly sucks. Let's see what we need to do." I want to have screaming hysterics, but they're not practical.

Dude. Greatest gift you can give, a LOT of the time.

I use that scene from State and Main where Alec Baldwin's fuckupofacharacter wrecks a car and his first response is, "So...that happened."

Jeez, I'm painting myself as someone who skips over feelings in the moment. Not really the case. But the answer to 'now what' really is so powerful.

I have LOVED this discussion. Thanks y'all. Gotta run and prep for the afternoon sessions.

I've been accused of being cold-blooded in the face of bad things, but my reaction is based on the few seconds of "Well, that utterly sucks. Let's see what we need to do." I want to have screaming hysterics, but they're not practical.

Me, too. In fact, I got in trouble at my first post-college job because I reacted to problems with, "How do we fix this," instead of an emotional meltdown. My manager said I clearly didn't care about my job, since I wasn't emotionally affected by the problems. Thing was, I dealt with the problems a lot better than others because I wasn't busy melting down. You'd think a CPA association would appreciate effective action more than emotional displays.

Joe and I learned in couples counseling that resentment is bred from unrealistic and unspoken expectations. It helped SO much not just in dealing with each other and relationship issues between us, buit also in dealing with parents, siblings, and anyone else we spend more than a few passing moments with.

My manager said I clearly didn't care about my job, since I wasn't emotionally affected by the problems

Oh, lord, and the times it gets brought up in criminal cases: "So-and-so showed no signs of emotion when learning about Spouse's death, therefore S is guilty."

Dude! It's called shock! Or not being an acolyte of the Maury Povich School of Interpersonal Behavior! When did dignity and self-restraint become signs of psychopathy?

And if it's coming in any way from *my* attitude toward them, I want to stop it at the source.

Well, I think that some of it may be coming from the fact that they are incompetent asshats who are deserving of a little contempt, but, you know, "Change the things you can" blah blah mental healthcakes.

I'm a big fan of shaking off non-useful emotions whenever possible. Resentment and worry are two of the biggies I try to drop before they get out of hand.

When did dignity and self-restraint become signs of psychopathy?

Hell if I know. But it's nice to know I'll have a possible defense if I give into my (entirely justifiable) rage at [annoyance of the week here].

"She has decades of showing no emotion in traumatic circumstances, your Honor."

And if it's coming in any way from *my* attitude toward them, I want to stop it at the source.

Well, I think that some of it may be coming from the fact that they are incompetent asshats who are deserving of a little contempt, but, you know, "Change the things you can" blah blah mental healthcakes.

Yeah, I didn't say that right. What I meant by "coming in any way from my attitude" was that I can only change *my* side of things. I can't change their incompetence and hostility.

I can't change their incompetence and hostility.

That's a huge step for a lot of people. They think "I can make them nice!" Or they figure "My ass-hattery will trump their ass-hattery, and they will acknowledge me as Sovereign of Ass-Hats and stop competing for my crown!"

I'm skipping a little bit to go on with making Bitches my meme thread and tell you guys that my mother's uncle passed away few hours ago, age 94, with a long, wonderful and exciting life behind of him. Thank you for your ~mas for a peaceful death. In some ways he was more a grandfather to me than my own grandfather ever was, but since my living grandparents have the emotional intelligence of a hoe combined, that wasn't so hard, and he maybe just talked with me more (and been nicer in a way a single-digit-person can react to) than my grandfather ever had. With all of the stuff going on in the background of what I try to call life, I can't say I'm beginning to grasp it.

It seems like an interesting discussion that I've skipped, so I'll have to get back to it, or have the footnotes or something.