And if it's coming in any way from *my* attitude toward them, I want to stop it at the source.

Well, I think that some of it may be coming from the fact that they are incompetent asshats who are deserving of a little contempt, but, you know, "Change the things you can" blah blah mental healthcakes.

Yeah, I didn't say that right. What I meant by "coming in any way from my attitude" was that I can only change *my* side of things. I can't change their incompetence and hostility.

I can't change their incompetence and hostility.

That's a huge step for a lot of people. They think "I can make them nice!" Or they figure "My ass-hattery will trump their ass-hattery, and they will acknowledge me as Sovereign of Ass-Hats and stop competing for my crown!"

I'm skipping a little bit to go on with making Bitches my meme thread and tell you guys that my mother's uncle passed away few hours ago, age 94, with a long, wonderful and exciting life behind of him. Thank you for your ~mas for a peaceful death. In some ways he was more a grandfather to me than my own grandfather ever was, but since my living grandparents have the emotional intelligence of a hoe combined, that wasn't so hard, and he maybe just talked with me more (and been nicer in a way a single-digit-person can react to) than my grandfather ever had. With all of the stuff going on in the background of what I try to call life, I can't say I'm beginning to grasp it.

It seems like an interesting discussion that I've skipped, so I'll have to get back to it, or have the footnotes or something.

I'm sorry, Shir.

I was raised by a mother who craves drama, and would create it if none were organically present. And so that's what I came to expect from my life -- if there were no drama, then Something Was Wrong.

Yep. This was my existence as well.

I. HATE. Fucking. DRAMA.

This too. Thankfully, I recognized from a really early point why, exactly, I hated it. Didn't mean I didn't have some HORRIBLE habits because of it. I mean, if arguments between loved ones weren't full-out BLOW UPS, then clearly, there was No Love There, because if you really loved, if you really cared, there was drama.

I also grew up with the extremely misguided idea that if I acquiesced to someone else's viewpoint or acknowledged that they were right in a personal argument, then I had "lost." I was caving in and had no spine.

I'm still working on this one. Part of it is exacerbated by my own highly competitive nature and by the fact that I was raised to see everything as a competition.

I've been accused of being cold-blooded in the face of bad things, but my reaction is based on the few seconds of "Well, that utterly sucks. Let's see what we need to do." I want to have screaming hysterics, but they're not practical. I kind of envy people who can indulge in histrionics, because they're obviously not the people who have to clean up the mess.

And oh GOD, so very much this. SO much this. I'm like this and I desperately envy people who not only have the histrionic meltdowns, but I can't quite figure out why they always wind up with the sympathy as well. Like they're allowed to have the meltdowns. I have this fear that if I ever did, I'd be dismissed as some hysterical whack job who can't hold her shit together.

Go figure.

Because it deserves its own post, {{{Shir}}}

I'm glad it was all as peaceful as it could be.

{{{Shir}}} I'm so sorry. It just sucks that your life is so filled with personal tragedies at the same time the world seems to be going to shit around you.

I'm like this and I desperately envy people who not only have the histrionic meltdowns, but I can't quite figure out why they always wind up with the sympathy as well.

I don't envy the histrionics, but I do envy the sympathy. People tend to assume that because I'm not crying, I don't need a hug.

t gives Jess a hug

I also grew up with the extremely misguided idea that if I acquiesced to someone else's viewpoint or acknowledged that they were right in a personal argument, then I had "lost." I was caving in and had no spine.

OMG! This is my husband's family! Arguments with them were operatic epics, and they were baffled by me because my family style was icy Yankee disdain. Displeasure was shown by failure to engage, not by whanging the saucepans at each other.

Now, how do I resolve this after 23 years of marriage to a man who fails to see that challenging his worldview is a sign of love?