The world is not your Barcalounger.

Ow, dammit, Hec, I just snorted egg salad up my nose.

Hah! She's not my ex--she's the one I "stole" my current girl from. Sort of. In that she had previously dated the girl and was going on a few dates with her again when the girl and I hooked up...but she was also supposedly moving out of town at the time. Though, now she's back. So.

Hah! She's not my ex--she's the one I "stole" my current girl from. Sort of. In that she had previously dated the girl and was going on a few dates with her again when the girl and I hooked up...but she was also supposedly moving out of town at the time. Though, now she's back. So.

Even more lame! Tough titties to you, little miss indecisive. I don't see a ring through her nipple, so I guess there wasn't a commitment. Quit your whimpering and get in the game.

Quit your whimpering and get in the game.

HAH! Suddenly I want to be all "BRING IT, BITCH! Quit whining and passive agressing and bring it like a REAL FRENEMY!!!"

Except not.

HAH! Suddenly I want to be all "BRING IT, BITCH! Quit whining and passive agressing and bring it like a REAL FRENEMY!!!"

I want you to go the next social gathering looking smoking hot (as is entirely within your repertoire) and hand her a little ribbon saying 2008 Passive Aggressive Whimper Queen.

...tempting. Except I do actually want her to be, like, happy. And a friend. And healthy (which I don't think she is). I just don't know that anything I can do will really help her with that.

And of course, karmically, were I to do any of the above things, I'm sure my ass would get kicked MAD quickly. I'm already feeling a bit teetery, don't need to enhance that. Ay.

I just don't know that anything I can do will really help her with that.

Nope, it can't. Of course, her pissy little dramas won't help either, but you're not the one who can tell her that.

(My guess at what would help: her learning the not-inconsiderable joy of showing up at the same place as you and being all cattier-than-thou inside her own head instead of passive-aggressing about where other people are allowed to go or not go, until one day she suddenly realizes that she can manage being in the same room just fine, and even have a good time while there. Also known as "getting over it", in the best possible way. But again, you're not the one who can tell her that either.)

Except I do actually want her to be, like, happy. And a friend. And healthy (which I don't think she is). I just don't know that anything I can do will really help her with that.

I'm sorry but your sapphic soap opera city is wayyyy too enabling. She's not going to be happy until she takes control over some aspect of her life, instead of expecting everbody to cater to her mood. Seriously, she needs a kick in the ass more than a hand-holding.

In this case, I'm with David. except not as aggressive. Just be you and more or less ignore her. And if she talks to you -act surprised and say something like " oh, I thought you wanted us to pretend that I didn't exist" . In other words -- you can't run your social life around her, but you understand why she wouldn't want to have a conversation with you.

You know meara, unless you did something underhanded and manipulative to get your girl, this whacko really needs to deal with the fact that the reason her relationship with the girl in question didn't fly in her favor is largely to do with whatever is between the two of them.