Except I do actually want her to be, like, happy. And a friend. And healthy (which I don't think she is). I just don't know that anything I can do will really help her with that.

I'm sorry but your sapphic soap opera city is wayyyy too enabling. She's not going to be happy until she takes control over some aspect of her life, instead of expecting everbody to cater to her mood. Seriously, she needs a kick in the ass more than a hand-holding.

In this case, I'm with David. except not as aggressive. Just be you and more or less ignore her. And if she talks to you -act surprised and say something like " oh, I thought you wanted us to pretend that I didn't exist" . In other words -- you can't run your social life around her, but you understand why she wouldn't want to have a conversation with you.

You know meara, unless you did something underhanded and manipulative to get your girl, this whacko really needs to deal with the fact that the reason her relationship with the girl in question didn't fly in her favor is largely to do with whatever is between the two of them.

Windsparrow is wise like an owl, or you know, those three guys riding from the west.

really needs to deal with the fact that the reason her relationship with the girl in question didn't fly in her favor is largely to do with whatever is between the two of them.

This is why I only feel BUT so guilty (because they did continue to go on dates AFTER girl and I hooked up, I was not stopping that at all). Because yes, there's a certain amount of "bros before hos" going on here, and not poaching on your friend's girl or whatever, but also...MOVING OUT OF TOWN.

But part of her "first talking to me in over two months" was "Why haven't you emailed me, I feel like that means you're not my friend". And I'm like "Um...I thought I was supposed to let YOU decide when to email, since you're the one who screamed at me and de-friended me?" So the ignoring her thing...ugh. I just don't even know how to respond to what she's said.

OK, I've been all doom and gloom recently, but there are good things happening and good people (aside from the Buffistas) out there.

Notable exceptions - with the Inauguration coming up, DC is pretty much booked up and the hotels have raised their prices. One man purchased a $1 million package from the Marriott ... and he's giving the 300 rooms to people who can't afford hotel rooms, veterans, etc. It'll include the room, food, he's paying for formal wear for a ball, they'll be on an enclosed heated balcony right on the parade route. Other people, having seen things on Craigslist, are opening up their homes to strangers and letting them stay with them for that time period. (This is exceptional because a lot of people are charging thousands for a one-week stay in their homes.) I relize these are little things, but it's still nice to read.

or you know, those three guys riding from the west.

And now I've got cowboys riding camels in my head.

meara, I don't know how close the two of you were, so I don't have a where to start discerning how much effort to advise putting into putting up with her crap. But I really do not like what this pattern of behavior says about this woman. Warning bells are going off. Not that I'm thinking dangerous stalker, but more like emotional vampire, narcissism rampant. I'm sure she has a good side that I have no conception of, which means she may well be worth the bother to you. But if you decide you do not need this kind of energy in your life, it would not be insane to stop responding. Whether it would also be sane to offer her a one-time explanation of "I'm withdrawing to spare any more difficulty for you," or not, I can't tell.

The problem is no matter who's at fault or who's behaving like a whiny baby, it still makes it awkward for meara and others no matter how she decides to respond. Which sucks mightily.

meara, from over here it sounds like she's working through any number of issues (the move not working out, the relationship not working out) and she's found in you a useful object for projecting her anger and frustrations. In which case there's not much you can do, except identify your own boundaries (ie your comment "I only feel so guilty") and accept that she's going to be angry for a while. And that she'll probably get over it eventually.

Well, we were good friends for my time in Seattle. And I do think she's a good person--she's just messed up and hurting right now, and needs to get right with herself. That's separate from me or the situation with the girl (and was going on before any of that).

But also, this being a small small neighborhood, and an even smaller lesbian community, there's no real way to avoid each other. :)

What Burrell and brenda both said--she's working shit out and going to be angry, and hopefully eventually be over that...but it's going to be hella awkward in the meantime, and I'm not looking forward to that. I was sad to see her move because I figured maybe we'd lose touch completely while she "got over" it...but there was going to be less awkward running into each other too.