A question/advice needed from the parents:

An old friend is in town for the holiday, her parents live here. She mentioned that she would be in the city to go to a museum. I emailed "hey, why don't we grab a drink and catch up while you're here". she said "lunch would be better, since we'll have the kids with us"

I don't want to be rude, but I wasn't trying to invite her husband (who I don't know very well, and she complains about him not watching the kids when they're together) or her kids, I wanted to get together to catch up with her. This is an awkward situation, because I believe that a parent's focus should be on their kid, but I still get annoyed when we can't have a conversation because they are making sure their kid doesn't knock something over, or the kid is asking questions every five minutes. How do I say/imply "I don't want to see your kids, I want to see you" without being rude? I was going to say something like I was hoping for some quality time with you, but if she says "oh, I have to bring the kids" or whatever, is it possible to say that I'd rather not meet up without sounding like a complete kid hater? I like kids, but I know that I will get frustrated if we don't get to actually spend any time together.

I think you're going to have to go with "I was hoping for some quality time just for you and me. Is that going to be possible this trip?" If she says she has to bring the family, then be gracious and grab a quick lunch somewhere and plead a need to be elsewhere very soon after. You can be pleasant for 40 minutes, and it will give you a few minutes to touch base with your friend, and bonus points in her eyes for making nice with the hubby and kids.

Or maybe that's my guilt talking.

Vortex, it doesn't make you a horrible kid hater. I understand the desire to see your friend and catch up. Personally, I would jump at the chance to leave the kids with DH for two hours and catch up with an old friend for a drink. You could couch it in those terms--"Would you need a break away and be able to meet up with me for a drink by yourself?" If she says it's impossible, just say you might not be able to do lunch and leave it at that.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I would hope that she feels the same way. I have found that meeting up with the kids present never really gives me enough time to catch up properly--especially in a restaurant or public place.

Beverly is nicer than I am.

I think that I find it so frustrating because I know that the kids should be more important than our chat, so it's not like I resent them or think that she should pay attention to me instead of them. And, it's hard for her.

Echoing Cash on everything. Including the Beverly is nicer than me.

I don't know-- my default if I'm talking to someone who doesn't have kids, is to first find out how they feel about having the kids around rather than assume they're wanted everywhere.

Um, why should the kids be more important? In life, sure, but for that one hour block?

I need to whine. I seem to have pinched a nerve or something like that in my upper back and it's driving me nuts. I'm stuck sitting in a theatre all day and I just can find a position that isn't causing me pain. It was also miserable driving down here since it hurts to turn my head to the left or right and you kind of have to do that to change lanes.

Feel better, ND.

Why did I think cooking today at Mom's would be a good idea? Now I don't want to come back tomorrow.

Oh, ND, I am so sorry. Go away pinched nerve!

Um, why should the kids be more important? In life, sure, but for that one hour block?

I'm with brenda on this one.