Okay, I'm a little worried about me.
Dad was released from the hospital today (my day off), and I said I'd take him home. But before he was released, there was a whole comedy of errors in the hospital where no one knew which doctor was supposed to sign the release forms, and then when they figured that out, they couldn't find the doctor.
Well, Dad called me every time some new problem arose -- literally 6 or 7 times. I finally told him to just. please. call. me. ONLY. when. he's. for-real. being. released.
So he finally was for-real released, and he called me. While driving, I just got totally overwhelmed with all of this (there's so much more that's happened this week that just compounds this; I just haven't felt like posting about it because it would be an endless whine). I started crying, and then sobbing, and then when cars in front of me were too slow I started screaming at them, and pounding on the steering wheel hard enough to bruise my hands.
And then I realized that if I took Dad home, I'd have to drive back to my house -- by myself. And I thought, oh my god, I can't. I just can't. I can't do that. It's a long drive (~25 minutes) that's mostly highways and bridges. And I thought, I can't make that drive all by myself. I can't
So I progressed from Lost My Shit to Total Flip-out. I stopped in a parking lot and called Dad's cell and told him he had to take a taxi because I just couldn't drive. Well, mostly I sobbed and scared the shit out of him, and finally got out that I couldn't do it and I was so so so sorry but I had to go home.
So he took a taxi and I came home. I took an Ativan, and I feel -- not calmer, but less like Martin Sheen at the beginning of Apocalypse Now.
It was just too much. I can't handle everything going on right now. I used to be able to handle so much stuff, and I seem to have lost that capability. It makes me feel weak. But it is what it is.
Awww, Tep. Sometimes you need the horrible shitty thing to happen to realize that the change has to occur.
So. This dynamic with your Dad has to change. How you guys work that out is up for negotiation, but it simply cannot stay in this place.
Also, cut yourself some slack. You've been going through a lot physically in the last several months. That will drain your resources.
Gives Hec the stinkeye
::helpfully sprays Frank in the eyeballs with Febreze::
Also, Tepalina? You flipped out like a mammal!
I think this means you are now a ninja.
I'm watching a Swingtown marathon
Oh, finally someone else I know is watching the show. Someone to talk to about it! Though, of course, I can't actually think of anything right now. But still! Awesome show! Totally screwed by its name!
Right now I'm brainstorming with the maint/facilities guys on (one of my) Hallowe'en costume(s). I'm going to a Harry Potter themed party tomorrow night, as The Fat Lady.
I
We have created the most AWESOME frame (it has Sconces! And battery-operated tapers!), But we're currently having a bitch of a time figuring out how to rig it for wearing. My first idea didn't work, as they predicted. Then their first idea didn't work, as I predicted. We're currently back to the Old Drawing Board (also known as it was their lunch time, and I needed to get back to my desk and work, or at least "work", for a bit.) Still, High Hopes!
Much leg-breakage to all the Drama-istas!
Teppy, I'm a little worried about you, too.
There's a lot of difference in being able to handle the things we take on knowingly as opposed to the things that are foisted upon us. And you've had a lot of shit foisted upon you over the past several months - things like your job which have meant proving yourself more than capable every damn day for people who didn't know your worth, which meant living up to an unreasonable standard.
I'm only a little worried at this point because getting to a point where one must scream and rant out the feelings isn't necessarily worrisome.
Aww, crap. Damn slow typing made me look really callous to Steph. Sorry about that, Hon.
Seriously, Steph, it sounds like you more than earned a meltdown. The crap has been flying thick-n-fast at you lately, it's to your credit that you held on as long as you did. You have to take care of you first before you have any to spare to take care of others. Much, much coping~, planning~, and finding-people-to-share-the-load~ma to you.
Does it help any to know that if it wasn't for you, specifically your awesome post about taking back the word "fat", I don't think I'd have been able to be The Fat Lady for this party? And that would have been a damn shame 'cause it's gonna be So Cool (once we figure out how to frame me). Because it's true. I was waaaay uncomfortable with the word, but you helped fix it.
