...you're not going to be the difference in whether she comes out of this or not. It is not under your control. It is not your responsibility even.
So quit pushing yourself to the edge physically and emotionally.
Because you're not helping her. And you're definitely hurting yourself.
Be there for her when it matters. Let the doctors and nurses do their job.
What Hec said.
Crumbs, Sean - really, it makes my head go boom just trying to imagine the emotional space you're in right now, and I totally understand why you're wanting to be there for her as much as you possibly can.
But.
You're not her partner any more, and actually I think that if you ARE there every moment she's lucid (as well as all the moments she isn't, which does nothing to help her and lots to shred you), then that's maybe sending the wrong message to both of you. If you aren't committing to being with her as her partner, then you don't want to lull her into thinking that's what you are.
There's a difference between being there for a friend and being there for a partner.
There's nothing wrong with taking a few days off, and letting yourself be centre-stage in your own life for a little. Whether it's to go to the pub, watch the telly, play computer games or just fall asleep into a pizza, you both need and deserve the chance to recharge your physical and emotional batteries. And to remind both of you that you are no longer a couple.
I mean, yes, God, be there for her, definitely - I'm not saying you should leave her in the lurch! But take care of yourself too, okay? Seriously.
What are her family doing to help her now?
I need her to come back, and I don't know if it's going to happen. I feel like it's not.
I don't begin to know what to say. If I prayed, I'd be praying for the pair of you.
How things are going to unfold - that's outside of your control. What you can control is your own actions, and you are doing everything that you can.
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On an entirely different note, my class is currently studying a topic called Passport To The World. Last week we learned about Japan, and Taiki's mum and dad came in to answer our questions, show us objects and teach us things about their home country rReaffirming me in my belief that I REALLY would like Japan lots, and that Japanese is made of awesome). The previous week we learned about India, and Rashmeeta's mum came in and brought lots of pictures and objects from India. Before then it was Spain, and before that, Egypt.
This week? Jamaica. And our resident expert?
The lovely ita.
Yesterday my kids brainstormed some questions (they knew quite a lot about Japan and about India and a little about Spain already, and a fair bit about Egypt [although mostly Ancient Egypt], but Jamaica? Not so much). And I emailed ita with said questions (albeit I'd weeded out the MOST readily answered ones, that we'd managed to answer in the lesson from looking at maps etc). She wrote back today, and so I printed it out and showed the kids a fairly ferocious picture of ita in full Krav mode (albeit with a MsBelle-esque touch of pink), and then read them her answers. She was like Yoda!
The kids were particularly fascinated to hear that the national bird of Jamaica is the Doctor Bird. There was much speculation (some quite grisly) as to why it has such a name. They wrote a letter to say thank you, which I've duly scribed and sent.
Buffista Academy In Action, ladies and gentlemen!