There are flashes of my team!

Dude, 94 yard kickoff return for the TD. Special teams are smokin' HOT today.

I got to babysit a little 7 week old baby today. He is such a sweet noooooooodle. Didn't make me want a baby of my own, but I am looking forward to cuddling him again next week.

So, I skipped a bunch, but saw that some people were asking how I'm doing, and by extension how S is doing. I'm mostly holding up. I've been quite busy with work, and when I'm not working, I'm trying to spend as much time as I can visiting S in the hospital.

Yes, she's still in the hospital.

She was transfered to a different hospital -- the one where she's on the transplant list.

She's off the ventilator, off the feeding tube and eating solid food, off both her waste catheters (though not able to go to the bathroom on her own, and thus using basically a diaper), and most of the time, she's not connected to an IV drip.

However, she still has a blood infection that's pretty serious, and a urine infection (less serious). They're giving her daily antibiotics to fight the blood infection, though apparently it's a bug that's pretty resilient. Because of these infections, she's been temporarily placed on hold for a transplant until the infections are cleared up. However, if they do get it cleared up, she's moved quite high up the list -- her score jumped quite a bit during this hospital stay.

Unfortunately, that also means she's still very delirious, and hallucinating most of the time.

I've sat at her bedside while she was basically bleeding to death, and that's nothing compared to sitting here watching her be out of her ever loving mind.

She's constantly obsessed with time, though she's lost all ability to understand it. She constantly thinks things of all sorts are going to be happening "in ten seconds." she's also frequently concerned about large objects (or sometimes trains) that are going to come crashing through the room (usually in ten seconds).

She's constantly talking to people who aren't there, and otherwise living in a whole other world. It's distressing and terrifying.

I'm grappling with a lot of issues, and very lonely much of the time, but I'm trying to take care of myself as best I can, and when I can't do that, I at least have work to focus on.

And I feel like I'm going to be single forever.

{{Sean}}

I know it's not much, but {{Sean}}.

Ugh, Sean. I can't even wrap my mind around what the both of you are going through right now. I'm so sorry.

Oh, Sean, how horrible for both of you. We're thinking of you guys. I hope S can can continue to improve and you can sort of get your life back.

Also, she doesn't seem to remember that I broke up with her (although sometimes she thinks I've remarried and my new, imaginary wife is pregnant with twins).

Oh yeah, and they keep her restrained most of the time, otherwise she keeps trying to get out of bed (she always think she has to go somewhere, or I have to go somewhere, or both).

Possibly the most amusing bit I've heard yet -- one morning earlier in the week, I asked her if she'd been anywhere else (in the hospital) while I was gone, and she answered that they had put her to work throwing raw nasty garbage around during the night.

I asked her if they normally put patients to work in the hospital, and she said no. I asked her if they normally let patients handle garbage, and she said no. That's when she started to understand (briefly) that it didn't actually happen.

Damn, Sean. I hope they get those infections under control soon, you really need a break from being the strong one.

{{{{{Sean}}}}}

Mounds of ~ma coming to you and S.