I'm watching a show on PBS about how kids in suburbs don't have places to play. It's making me feel like I ought to go outside and ride my bike or something rather than sitting here watching it.

Interesting study: they gave the same bunch of materials (cardboard boxes, tape, scissors, markers, and so on) to a class of city kids and a class of suburban kids, and told each group to build a city or town. They found that the city kids were much more likely to work together, build public spaces like parks, and put people into their models, while the suburban kids were mostly working alone, building private spaces like houses, and didn't put in any people.

Vortex, I am so so sorry. Holding you and your family in my thoughts.

Oh, Vortex. I am so very sorry. Peace to your whole family. What a horrible loss.

You know what's fun? (For all values of "fun" where I'm OBVIOUSLY being sarcastic?)

Looking at your boyfriend's wedding album.

We went to a wedding last night -- my stepdad's neice (my step-cousin, I guess, technically) -- and we were just talking about wedding minutiae today, like: Bridesmaids -- Yes or No?, and Smashing Cake Is Just A Waste Of Pastry, and Steph Is A Feminist Who Finds The "Giving Away" Of The Bride By Her Father A Vaguely Creepy Relic Of Patriarchal Ownership Attitudes.

The Boy has heard my feminist screed about the father giving the daughter away (no one gives away the groom; why is that? do they get to keep him?), so he already knew my objections to the tradition. I didn't say that I think that brides who do it are in some patriarchal collusion to keep women down, or even that I thought it was stupid of them to do it; I just said that *I* am troubled by it.

Though I guess these days any time someone has an opinion, it automatically means that they ALSO are attacking the opposite viewpoint, simply by virtue of holding their own viewpoint.

At least, it fucking feels that way, and I mean that about way more than diagreeing with my boyfriend about the patriarchy; I mean politics and whatnot and how family and co-workers can practically have a fistfight because they support different candidates. Good god.

Anyway.

He went in another room, I figured it was because he had already heard my feminist polemic before, and I went to take a nap. He appears in the bedroom a few minutes later with his wedding album, to show me his (ex) wife being given away by her father, and told me how much it meant to them both, and it wasn't some creepy patriarchal ownership thing for them, etc.

I didn't bother to protest that I wasn't trying to insult his (ex) wife, because he knows that; I think he was just making the point that my opinions trample all over other peoples' feelings. Or something.

So then we looked through the whole album, with me making whatever the appropriate comments are to make when you're the current girlfriend looking at a 12-year-old wedding album for a marriage that's been over for 7 years. Like "Is that your aunt? She's so lovely!" Or, "[ex-wife]'s mom looks so proud!"

Really, what the fuck was I supposed to say? "Congratulations on your wedding; sorry it didn't work out, and sorry for the fact that my daily presence in your home is a constant reminder of that fact"?

The last thing he said before he went to put the album away was, "My wedding is the best wedding I've ever been to," and I said, "Well, I think that's how they're supposed to work."

I want to be all evolved and mentally healthy and say that because he's showing me his wedding album he's -- I don't know? Sharing all of his life with me? Or somehow signaling that he's ready to move on from his past? Or -- I don't know.

But all I can really think is -- why would you show your current girlfriend, who's been living with you for 9 months, the entire photo album from the happiest day of your life? Way to make me feel like the replacement, not someone who you actually, you know, love.

And my mom called me ugly last night. It was as a joke, but some things aren't funny, especially when you've spent your daughter's entire life making sure that she knows she'll never live up to you. All I could do was "joke" back and say that, well, with a mom like her, genetics were going to screw me over. And then we laughed, ha ha ha, and went on about the business of eating wedding cake.

It's so weird, what people can make a joke and can't make a joke. Anyone could tell me I was stupid, and I'd laugh right back at them, because I know I'm not. Other people -- my brother, for instance -- can make jokes about my appearance, because he's never ever said or done one thing to make me feel ugly. But for my mom to call me ugly, and then pass it off as a joke -- she took a picture of me and The Boy, and when we were looking at the LCD screen of the camera, she said something like, "Too bad you ended up with that ugly girl," (continued...)

( continues...) -- ISN'T ACTUALLY GODDAMN FUNNY, when she's spent my whole life telling me that I'm *not* attractive.

I think she's really bothered by me being on the stupid billboard. She's 62, and lovely for 62 -- doesn't really look her age, still -- but she's feeling her age, I guess. She's not the prettiest one in the room anymore. That's still no reason to insult me and pass it off as a joke. I guess that's the danger of being truly beautiful -- it sucks ass when you lose it. Which is not something I'll ever have to worry about, so I've got that going for me.

And nope, there's no point in telling her all that. If I thought it would do any good, I would. But she never changes. She's great as long as no one upstages her. And I am. So she pokes.

Hi. Welcome to my brain. I should just cut all this and put it in my LJ to spare all y'all.

Fresh & Easy is an evil temptress. I went in for five items and came out with food for the next 7-10 days. OK maybe that's a good thing. I think I'll open the cava first.

ugh Steph that sucks. Sorry my lighthearted foodie post came after your venting. I have trotted out my wedding album (from my failed marriage) before because I'm proud of the dress my bff made for me and I don't mind letting people laugh at my silly haircut and I like to show off my friends in all their finery but I see now how that might make current loves feel uncomfortable. Thanks for the reality check.

try shopping AFTER eating.

{{{{{{Teppy}}}}}}

I'm sorry I have no words for you.

try shopping AFTER eating.

I did have a big breakfast but... have you been to Fresh & Easy?