Deena is RIGHT THERE

(I ran away. But I came back.)

Thanks, meara, you made me smile. Which is good because I watched SYTYCD with a migraine. Not a good idea when it came to the rabbit dance, but I couldn't wait to find out who won.

I'm trying to reorganize my life a little. Mostly, I work. What with the whole working from home thing, I work from the time I get up until I go to bed. I've added back in a little bit of television, and now I'm going to try to hang out here a little more. I'm kind of tired of working all the time.

eta: And having said all that, now I'm going to go to bed.

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Burrell, meara said everything that I was going to say. (I went to bed about 3 hours ago, and woke up about 10 minutes ago and realized that I needed -- NEEDED, I say! -- pistachios.)

Lipitor lowers cholesterol *extremely* well. However, like meara said, for patients whose cholesterol is in the close-to-normal range of "high," there's a lot of question lately about whether lowering one's cholesterol is helpful. Cholesterol levels could just be a marker, not a cause of heart attack, etc.

That said, for patients like my dad -- who is an EXTREME case of established heart disease and veins-of-Velveeta levels of cholesterol -- it can be helpful.

As to whether you are a "high risk" patient, or whether you are low risk but might still benefit...well, that's the "I am not a doctor" part of it.

And there's the catch.

I'll put it this way: my dad has had 5 heart attacks in addition to quadruple bypass surgery and literally 10+ balloon angioplasties. Therefore, I obviously have a significant family history of heart disease. My cholesterol, last time it was checked is in the 210-220 range. Personally, I have NO intention of taking Lipitor or a similar drug, as all my other heart disease parameters are very good (although I could stand to exercise a little more).

And actually, what's considered "high" cholesterol has been moved downward in the past 10 years (it used to be 265 mg/dL and above; now it's 200 mg/dL and above). Has that lowered heart disease-related mortality? Probably not. But it *has* increased the number of prescriptions for Lipitor and similar drugs. (Not to sound cynical, or anything....)

Steph: Huh. I remember that *I* had a complete psychotic break at the SF2F Prom (and I'm only slightly kidding about that, but it is the biggest factor in my non-attendance at subsequent F2Fs), but you seemed totally fine. Go team Xanax!

Aims: You were the one Kristin checked with before giving it to me cause I was on the Lamictal and I was fall.ing. apart in Amyth, Kate P, smonster, and juliana's room.

What was it about the SF2F? I went freakin' crazy and have avoided you all ever since.

Eh, for me, it was just the realization that I truly am an introvert -- as in the *true* definition that groups of people exhaust me, NOT in the (misinterpreted and incorrect) definition of "shy repressed walllower" -- and, as much as I love my Buffistas, and love seeing you guys, I pay too huge of a price in terms of my emotional resources.

Basically, I can't be around large groups of people for more than a couple of hours (and even that is very taxing). And it's NOT just you guys; it's *any* large group. What sucks heavily is that I *want* to be around Buffistas; other groups, NSM.

But wanting it doesn't overcome my introversion. The SF2F made me realize that I'm too old to force myself to ignore my needs, and/or too old to force myself to change.

Would that it were different.

Smaller groups are fine. But my (admittedly vague) guideline is that 10 (ish) is really my upper limit, especially for prolonged periods of time, like a weekend.

I actually had to deal with this recently, when going to a mingle-y dinner type thing of about 25 people made me VERY stressed out, in the fight-or-flight way. When I explained to a handful of the people there why I was stressed out, one dude told me that I was "making it up" and using it as an excuse to be a homebody and that I should get over it.

I told him that obviously I *wasn't* using it as an excuse to be a homebody, since I was standing right the fuck there in the restaurant talking to him and NOT at home. And then I walked away, lest I stab him in the forehead with a fork.

What I am is what I am, and if you [by "you," I mean that dude, NOT anyone here, although I *would* mean it if anyone here copped that attitude with me] think so little of me that you don't respect that I've spent a lot of time thinking this through, then you can fuck right the hell off. It's NOT an excuse to *not* engage; it's simply knowing my limits and my needs and then (continued...)

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( continues...) respecting them.

t /introvert soapbox

And (to follow my fellow Ohioan's lead [that would be Deena]), now I'm going (back) to bed.

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Steph, I'm not as introverted as you, but I can relate. In fact, I pointedly stayed at a hotel across town from the Madison F2F because though I may not need to retreat, I need to know that I can. Next time I won't be clear across town, since it made it a challenge to hook up (and thank Dog Kate P called me and woke me up or I woulda slept right through prom and missed all of the bellydancing and kissing!!!), but I had to have that "out" for my first F2F.

I don't do groups well. I never, ever have. I adore and cherish my friends, but I know my limits. And I also feel intensely panicked by long durations of what I call "OPS" which means "other peoples' schedule". I've got a max of about 3 hours before I need 1. alone time and 2. no schedule.

I don't like even the suggestion of being told what to do or when to do it by anyone who isn't paying me.

Or, who doesn't know my safe word.

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I think I've gone mildly crazy. I just applied for 3-4 jobs in the San Diego area.

W00t! More Sail for me!

So many more things I wanted to respond to, but I just noticed that it's midnight, I'm really tired, and I'm NOT coughing. I might get to sleep through the night (knock wood), so I'll see you all on the flip side.

{{{Bitches}}}

Seriously, I'll be up to more than 2 posts a day any day now...

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Oh, Teppy is so much me. And the SF2F proved it. While I loved seeing everybody I did see, the HS was too much quite often, and Prom was just.it. I ran off with Fay and Suela and others to watch vids in a dark little room with less than a dozen people and that was fine. Piling up on someone's bed with a handful of people was fine. Going out to dinner, or an excursion to the bead shop with Todd, Theo, Katie, Ginger, and Sail was fun. But to be completely honest, the day I left the hotel after saying goodbye to most folks, Katie packed me in her minivan and drove me out to the Marin headlands and the little beach, and the completely Miyazaki day of sun and wind in the grass and scudding clouds in a blue blue sky was the best thing anybody could have done for me.

I love you all, but smaller doses are necessary. And I need lots of recovery time after. Thank you, Katie, wherever you are!

The Atlanta F2F was doable because it was a smaller group, because Ginger gave me a bed and a book-walled cave to retreat to, and I was more realistic about my energy levels and which group activities I participated in. Thank you Ginger!

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Basically, I can't be around large groups of people for more than a couple of hours (and even that is very taxing). And it's NOT just you guys; it's *any* large group. What sucks heavily is that I *want* to be around Buffistas; other groups, NSM.

I feel very much the same way (and also dealt at one stage with a friend who thought that introverts were just being selfish. And ungodly, as this was in the FAC). Especially if I don't have personal space. I'll usually wind up retreating into the bathroom for at least ten minutes or so at some stage at parties. Open air is good too, as long as I can get away from the people.

One of the things with Wallybee is that being with her, for the most part, recharges me. It's like, she doesn't intrude on my personal space, she is my personal space.

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One of the things with Wallybee is that being with her, for the most part, recharges me. It's like, she doesn't intrude on my personal space, she is my personal space.

Ohhh. That's perfectly wonderful, BT. You're very lucky to have found her.

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applauds Teppy

Yes! This! And what Beverly said also!

Honestly, I had a good friend visiting from home for a fortnight, and I love her and respect her, and I sincerely enjoyed her company the whole time (she's hella clever, and both of us are inclined to lie around reading books and drinking coffee peacefully, when not eating yummy food and having discussions about Big Important Things, and we laughed a lot), but after she flew home I spent a week curled up in my apartment with the cat, with my mobile phone switched off, and only ventured out for new books and more food.

I don't like this about me, because I'm very capable of speaking to nobody for days at a time (weeks, even), and losing myself in books and online discussions and DVDs - and I know that I should be getting exercise instead, and engaging with life better. But - this is me. I am quite sociable and outgoing, sincerely - but I'm also very fond of recharging time with just my own company. This is the first time I've lived alone - I think that I'm probably better living with someone else, actually, because that counterbalances the whole stay-in-coccoon tendency I have.

Anyway, yes - dropped off the face of the map for a week. And I seem to have lost the friendship of one of my friends as a result - it honestly didn't occur to me that I was being selfish, but I see now that I was. She's been having a hard time and doesn't want to have to chase around after someone begging them to be her friend - and I understand that, and I don't blame her at all. I'm slightly gutted to realise how crap I am at that whole dealing-with-people thing, though, and sad that I seem to have carelessly discarded a friendship I value a lot. But I respect her need for space, and I don't want to be a source of headfuckery.

eta

Crumbs, I forgot to mention how lovely this is:

One of the things with Wallybee is that being with her, for the most part, recharges me. It's like, she doesn't intrude on my personal space, she is my personal space.

Mate, I am so very happy for you. When I think back to how hard you tried to keep your previous marriage together, and how very sad your posts were as things snowballed, I'm just thrilled that things unfolded this way for you. That's just so bloody cool.

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One of the things with Wallybee is that being with her, for the most part, recharges me. It's like, she doesn't intrude on my personal space, she is my personal space.

Aw heck, that's pulling at my romantic strings. I want me some of that... not your Wallybee, per se, but my own... oh hell you know what I mean.

With that, I should really go to bed.

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