I like my library. I email Greg and say, "ooh, new author!" and then he goes and finds the book, anything else he thinks I might like, and brings them home. If he can't find them, he orders them from other libraries and brings them home. When I'm done he takes them back and takes care of the fines for me.

Before I married him, I was one of those people who kept losing her right to a library card.

I'd cheerfully put the Nikita badfic writer up against any of those stories, especially the story that involved Antiques Roadshow, the Apocalypse, golf carts, and the United Nations.

I can honestly say that the Nikita Badfic Writer (whose works I only know thanks to the fair Dana, and whose name remains a mystery to me) has made me laugh more than almost any other writer. Not more than Terry Pratchett, but other than him...seriously, I've been reduced to tears by her frequently. Very. Funny. Indeed. In so many ways.

and let us not forget the infamous 15 foot secondary sex penis from Smallville.

OMG! The alien treecock of doom! Lex's ass pregnancy! SO bad. Aw, that was years ago, back in the glory days of Smallville Season 1, when the internet was alight with incredulous fangirls gasping at the sheer volume of pretty and marvelling at the astounding levels of gayness. It was a brighter, more innocent age (back when incest was still shocking, and RPS was the genre that dared not speak its name), and there was SO much wonderful fanfic being written...and then there was the scarily awful badfic from hell. And the alien treecock o'doom was one of the most hilariously awful.

Good times, good times.

Meanwhile, I have to say that it's really quite disturbing to keep reading all this stuff about Fay attacking/hanging around/wrecking things/generally making a nuisance of herself.

In my capacity as Tropical Fay, I apologise for the unruly behaviour of Tropical Storm Fay. (I think of her as the crap Halle Berry version of the genuine Fay. Accept no substitutes.)

On a related note, it is a trifle disconcerting also that I now have a namesake at work. Although she doesn't have an H in her name (Nicola) - still, two of us. And neither of us will tolerate 'Nicky' as a nickname, so I think we may be reduced to jello wrestling for the right to bear the name. Or else I could change mine to Spartacus, maybe. Or YoSaffBridge. Or Tropical Storm Fay, I suppose. Hmm.

The answer for buffistas is to marry a librarian.

story that involved Antiques Roadshow

I wanna read the adventures of the twin appraisers! They can join up with Mike Rowe and fight crime! With special guest appearances by the old guy in the wheelchair and his furniture moving minions.

I'm avoiding my library because I have a book I need to take back and it's way way overdue. It's a little paperback so I doubt there's a waiting list for it, but I'm still avoiding the library out of shame. I will find it or at least replace it at some point. Thankfully they max out the fine at $10 per item. Yes, I know this from experience, although from one dvd mistake when I returned one of my personal dvds instead of the library one. Oops! It's $.25/day for books, and $3/day for dvds at my branch.

The answer for buffistas is to marry a librarian.

Clearly!

Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale. Really?????? I thought you were supposed to love your children!

Cash, my mom certainly thought it was the right answer for me. Considering how I've devoured books all my life, she was surprised no one had thought of it sooner.

I'm going to be in a research study on Tuesday for arthritis. The screener was so excited, "Oh, you qualify! We almost never get someone who can't afford the medication!"

I'm so happy I could make her day.

I wanna read the adventures of the twin appraisers! They can join up with Mike Rowe and fight crime! With special guest appearances by the old guy in the wheelchair and his furniture moving minions.

Hee!! The perky female interest can be the sports memorabilia appraiser (love her!), and the evil bad guy is the doll appraiser (he gives me the creeps for some reason, maybe because he never manages to crack a smile).

Also, I confess I am one of the Buffistas who can't be trusted with a library card. I know myself well enough to have realised (albeit it took a while) that it is just Not A Good Idea. Cheaper to buy the damn book in the first place, for me. I wish it were not so, but a lifetime of library fines has persuaded me that this is one of those things I'm not very good at.

Which sucks. I mean, when I was a kid/teenager I used to go to the library with a carrier bag tucked in my pocket. Biggest haul was 42 books, iirc. Which I returned in a mostly timely fashion - but as I got older, the promptness of the book-returning began to get, ah, less prompt. Yeah.

And then after a certain number of weeks it just gets very embarrassing, and my Run Away impulse kicks in.

So in the end I fled the country.